Advice to Overseas Cruisers coming to Australia

[mrs and mrs]

One Month Ago

Senseless Cordinator: Hi how many forms would you like or need.

Answer: Not sure,lets say 15 should cover it.

Senseless Cordinator: Are you sure.

Answer: Looks at phone and breathes deeply.

Long discussion follows.

 

Sat 6th.

Senseless form deliverer: We have you down for 15 forms

Answer: Yes correct.

Senseless F.D: oh How many people are staying here Tues night.

Answer: Blank look.

S.F.D: Repeats question.

Answer: blank look followed by,how the $%$# would I know.

S.F.D: Ok we will give you 15.

 

Question:What happens if people don't fill them out or leave without filling out.

S.F.D: Well you will need to provide their details on this special form.

Question: Isnt that against privacy laws.

S.F.D: No the onus is on you.

Question: How do I get paid for this babysitting work I am doing.

S.F.D: Blank look,shrug shoulders.

 

Question:You have given me 15 forms but the numbers are not in sequence.

S.F.D: That's ok the computer will know.

Question:Blank look,clever bloody computer,since you just handed me 15 forms out of a bundle of a 100.

S.F.D. The computer will know.

Answer: Yep righto just give me them here and thank-you for the extra 4 hrs work,i suppose I"ll have to provide the pens as well.

 

Joke of the century.

[MicCanberra]

Consensus is in that it is senseless and cent less Census work.

Edited August 9, 2016 by MicCanberra

[thistledoo]

Looks like we'll be insignificant. No census forms left, no letter to do it online, and no reply from an email to the ABS census line.

 

Can't wait for their please explain follow up!

[mrs and mrs]

Looks like we'll be insignificant. No census forms left, no letter to do it online, and no reply from an email to the ABS census line.

 

Can't wait for their please explain follow up!

 

With the fine.

Joke.

Government incompetence, at its highest level.

[erniebernie]

Or better still use Marmite!! We are arriving in Sydney next March on QV Have tried most of the above mentioned foods except Crock fillets so hope to do so while there. I'm guessing the Whitchey Grubs are like our hoo hoo grubs (found in rotten logs)? ICK. Loving the stories Bpos:)

[mrs and mrs]

Or better still use Marmite!! We are arriving in Sydney next March on QV Have tried most of the above mentioned foods except Crock fillets so hope to do so while there. I'm guessing the Whitchey Grubs are like our hoo hoo grubs (found in rotten logs)? ICK. Loving the stories Bpos:)

 

Yep whitche are just like hu-hus

[MicCanberra]

Yep whitche are just like hu-hus

 

I prefer them BBQed.:D

[mrs and mrs]

I prefer them BBQed.:D

 

id rather gnaw on the rotten log.

[MicCanberra]

id rather gnaw on the rotten log.

 

Not as much protein.;)

[GUT2407]

id rather gnaw on the rotten log.

 

So you've tried Mrs Gut's cooking then.:eek:

[Bpos]

[quote name='erniebernie']Or better still use Marmite!! We are arriving in Sydney next March on QV Have tried most of the above mentioned foods except Crock fillets so hope to do so while there. I'm guessing the Whitchey Grubs are like our hoo hoo grubs (found in rotten logs)? ICK. Loving the stories Bpos:)[/quote]

Oh erniebernie

Please do not use (or indeed ask) for Marmite when visiting Australia - we are all little Vegemites here - and you may attract undue reactions and attention if you stray away from that wonderful Aussie spread.

In that event, your safety here cannot be guaranteed. But I digress.

Indeed, there have been many imitations of our iconic breakfast spread - names that should [B]not be mentioned here[/B] (like marmite, promite, bonox, bovril, cenovis, Guiness Yeast Extract, Ozmite ) and so on and so forth.. but I have refused to taste them to compare with the uncomparable Vegemite.

But great to get your feedback and that you are looking forward to your trip to Oz on that posh boat, the Queen Victoria in 2017. Please start saving now and bring plenty of Kiwi $$$ - you will need them and we shall have no trouble getting you to spend - spend - spend.

Kia ora my friend.

[Hawka]

[quote name='vozzie']Well, they won't get me tonight...I'm out in the middle of the Pacific ![/QUOTE]
are you out there for more then 6 weeks ?? thats what i heard on the news you got 6 weeks before you start getting fined $$$

[MicCanberra]

[quote name='Hawka']are you out there for more then 6 weeks ?? thats what i heard on the news you got 6 weeks before you start getting fined $$$[/QUOTE]

If you are not in Australia tonight (9th of August), you are exempt from having to do the census and thus no fine.:D

[Bpos]

[quote name='Bpos']Oh dear, having read what I wrote in my earlier post, my language is somewhat intemperate, which was not my intention. I merely wanted to convey that it was something that you should not be concerned with.

So if you are in Australia tomorrow, have a wonderful day and maybe greet Aussies you meet with a "[B]G'day to Census Day".

[/B]A bit like the Seinfeld "Happy Festifus Day greeting - if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee the response you may receive, but be daring, give it a go![/quote]

Today, as you know is Census Day for Australia and having beseeched our valued overseas cruisers to greet Aussies in a particular way (see above) - [B]I decided I should do the same when meeting my fellow countrypersons [/B](politically correct language of course).

Well, what a surprise at my friendly "greeting"

A. Four persons told me to bugger off.

B. Four persons told me they were not filling in the form as the Government would send someone around to check under their mattress for hidden money (that enables them to avoid the asset test and claim more pension, for cruising of course).

C. Two persons told me they were going to spend the night in a motel (together) in order not to be home to be counted - but that their respective spouses at home may still fill in the forms!!!

D. Two other persons said they had no forms, no computer, no hope for the future and could not care less one way or the other!!!

I came home totally despondent but duly completed my form on line as honestly and as open as I could - I hope the Government will not be checking under my mattress and I doubt they have people reading Cruise Critics - or do they??? Edited August 9, 2016 by Bpos

[MicCanberra]

If you have anything bigger than a pea under your mattress then you won't get any sleep.:p

I wonder what sort of assets you could hide under a mattress?:confused:

[GUT2407]

[quote name='MicCanberra']If you have anything bigger than a pea under your mattress then you won't get any sleep.:p

I wonder what sort of assets you could hide under a mattress?:confused:[/QUOTE]

Only if you're a Princess, if I recall the fairy tale right. (Did I just use Orincess and Fairy in one sentence?)

I could hide my assets under the mattress, not much to hide.

[MicCanberra]

[quote name='GUT2407']Only if you're a Princess, if I recall the fairy tale right. (Did I just use Orincess and Fairy in one sentence?)

I could hide my assets under the mattress, not much to hide.[/QUOTE]

Sort of gives us a window to your mind.:eek:
Shame about your assets being small enough to fit under a bed, hope you have them in a safe place?;)

[GUT2407]

[quote name='MicCanberra']Sort of gives us a window to your mind.:eek:
Shame about your assets being small enough to fit under a bed, hope you have them in a safe place?;)[/QUOTE]

Not under the bed, between the mattress and the bed.

[NSWP]

[quote name='GUT2407']Only if you're a Princess, if I recall the fairy tale right. (Did I just use Orincess and Fairy in one sentence?)

I could hide my assets under the mattress, not much to hide.[/QUOTE]
Same here Mr Gut, Carnival Corporation has taken all mine over the years.

[MicCanberra]

[quote name='NSWP']Same here Mr Gut, Carnival Corporation has taken all mine over the years.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your support although you may have to cruise more as my CCL shares have dropped in price lately.

[Bpos]

[quote name='erniebernie']Or better still use Marmite!! We are arriving in Sydney next March on QV Have tried most of the above mentioned foods except Crock fillets so hope to do so while there. I'm guessing the Whitchey Grubs are like our hoo hoo grubs (found in rotten logs)? ICK. Loving the stories Bpos:)[/quote]

You are in luck erniebernie

You can get pizza at the Australian Heritage Hotel, the Rocks, Sydney - about a [B]10 minute walk[/B] from the Overseas Terminal which includes (from their Heritage range) the following:

Pepper Kangaroo

Coat of Arms (Emu and Kangaroo)

Saltwater crocodile

Apparently they have cold beer too.

How handy is that.

[GUT2407]

Back on tucker I see.

Up thread the sausage (snag) roll got a mention.

A warning that there are two types of sausage rolls.

1. Sausage mince wrapped in pastry and baked, served with sauce, usually bought in a pie shop or cake shop or bakery.

2. A sausage on a bread roll, served with sauce. The sausage usually being cooked on a BBQ, often found at sporting events and of late at fund raisers outside mega hardware stores. Normally the server will look at you and mutter the word "onion", it's not a code or even an insult, he is just checking if you would like the addition of onion. Sometimes rather than the bread roll the sausage is placed on a slice of bread which is then wrapped around the sausage.

[GUT2407]

[quote name='GUT2407']Back on tucker I see.

Up thread the sausage (snag) roll got a mention.

A warning that there are two types of sausage rolls.

1. Sausage mince wrapped in pastry and baked, served with sauce, usually bought in a pie shop or cake shop or bakery.

2. A sausage on a bread roll, served with sauce. The sausage usually being cooked on a BBQ, often found at sporting events and of late at fund raisers outside mega hardware stores. Normally the server will look at you and mutter the word "onion", it's not a code or even an insult, he is just checking if you would like the addition of onion. Sometimes rather than the bread roll the sausage is placed on a slice of bread which is then wrapped around the sausage.[/QUOTE]

I should have added that the outcome of our recent federal election may have been influenced by the inability to eat a sausage on a roll in the appropriate manner. Many considered the display "UnAustralian".

[condorfan]

you aussies are killing me, :D

[GUT2407]

[quote name='condorfan']you aussies are killing me, :D[/QUOTE]

Sorry, not meaning to,