Unexpected Service Issues on the Crown Princess & where we found them - Photo Review

[WinksCruises]

 

I'm still not sure how this cruise happened.

 

After our last 5-day cruise, Mrs. Winks and I vowed we’d never take another one. The duration of these voyages is just too short to let us properly unwind. And whatever tenuous benefit is gained by escaping the daily grind for a few days - - it’s more than offset by the considerable investment of time, expense and family drama involved with traveling to Port Everglades from the hinterlands of upstate New York.

 

After that cruise (it was on the Ruby Princess) we also decided it was time to stop playing the field with other cruise lines. We had been on Princess and Celebrity and mostly Royal Caribbean. And while we loved aspects of each line, we came to the conclusion that, for us, Royal gave the most bang for the buck (and by bang for the buck, we mean the free happy hour in the Concierge Lounge whenever we spring for full suite accommodations). It just made sense to focus our loyalty points on one cruise line - and our previous sailings convinced us that Royal Caribbean best fit that bill. So goodbye Princess. Adios Celebrity.

 

I have to say, the feeling was liberating. For the first time in our sailing lives, we were taking a strategic approach to our cruise planning and we hoped we’d benefit greatly from this new found maturity. Look at us! The Wink’s all growed up!

 

And so there we were. Our proclamation made. From this point on, we were only going to book 7-Day or longer cruises and we were going to stick to Royal Caribbean as our cruise line of choice. And to prove we were committed to our new motto, we got very drunk one night in Jamaica and had those exact sentiments tattooed onto our foreheads, as you can see below...

 

 

So you can imagine my complete confusion, when this last St. Patrick’s Day, I found myself pulling into a spot at our local airport’s long-term parking lot, with our luggage in the back seat and Mrs. Winks enthusiastically singing Ringo Starr’s “The No-No Song”, in her floppy, hemp, beach hat and cat-eye sunglasses - clutching our boarding passes to a 5-day cruise on the Crown Princess.

 

I scratched my head. Somehow, like a junkie just out of rehab, Mrs. Winks had forgotten our motto (you know, the one we’d tattooed to our heads) and booked a 5-day cruise, on our least favorite cruise line, during the height of spring break. Had she completely lost her mind?

 

She confessed to it, sheepishly, one evening many months before. But I was sure, at one point, I had put the brakes on this apparent cruise planning backslide. “Not before final payment, you didn’t,” quipped Mrs. Winks, as she slipped the parking tag over the car’s rearview mirror. “But didn’t we have a pact? That we would never do these shorties again? And if we did, it would only be on Royal?” I retorted. “No thank you please; it only makes me sneeze, then it makes it hard to find the door.”

 

 

 

Fortunately for us, the tattoo removal place was still open at the airport - and after a few pints of liquid courage, we were able to make the necessary repairs to our faces so we could fly to Fort Lauderdale with at least a little dignity intact.

 

It seemed there was no getting out of it now. I was somehow back to being a 5-Day cruise person guy. Shudder. And while we all fantasize about going back in time to relive a previous segment of our lives over again with the aid of hindsight, this was akin to going back to the time I put my fist through a car window. I already knew it was something I’d never want to relive again.

 

The St. Patrick’s night flight was packed with families and Spring Breakers, all keen on escaping the foot of snow a recent winter storm had dumped on us. It was a very vocal crowd (read drunk) and through eavesdropping alone, it was clear if they weren’t booked on our Princess cruise, they were booked on some other 5-Day cruise - and couldn’t help but excitedly talk about how loud and “ripped” and obnoxious they were going to be on their voyages. I drowned my fears in Jet Blue cabernet and Terra Chips.

 

 

Admittedly, our itinerary could have been worse. It might have included NO sea days. That would have been dreadful. Fortunately, this voyage managed to squeeze in two days at sea. That was a blessing. Too many times these short itineraries are way too port heavy for a fellow like myself, who savors days at sea. If I had my druthers, we would never step a foot off the ship and the reason is simple: port days kill any mathematical chance of coming out ahead on cruise ship drink packages!

 

Mrs. Winks insisted the only reason she booked this itinerary was because it included Amber Cove in the Dominican Republic, a port we have never visited - and Grand Turk, which we have visited once before, but which we had often wished to return. But truth be told, we also got a pretty good deal and generous OBC. Plus a free couple’s massage. More on that atrocity later.

 

So there we were. Headed to our Monday through Saturday cruise.

 

 

We’ll spare you the sordid details surrounding the family drama that accompanied our pre-cruise weekend stay at Mrs. Wink’s sister’s family in Boca. Just suffice to say, it was filled with unexpected surprise guests that got my “vacation” off to a stressful start - and that our nephew “Babyface” Conner was able to make his bail but Mrs. Winks’ sister still can’t hold down a margarita.

 

One note, we stopped at a local Publix supermarket to procure our allotted one bottle of wine and champagne for the cabin, and also decided to pick up a 12-pack of bottled spring water which is always nice to have. We had an extra ship luggage tag, so we duct taped it onto the case, and handed it over to the pier baggage handler with a nice tip and a wink, but in the end, the bottle water never made it to our cabin. They’ll be so disappointed when they find it’s not filled with vodka.

 

 

So in this review, we’ll give you a recap of our short cruise, on the cruise line we swore we’d never sail again, including a bunch of pictures from the ship and ports, the daily Patters and all the good, the bad and the ugly there is to report. (Spoiler alert: lots of all)

 

For the record, we had an aft facing suite on the Dolphin deck…. D-737. We are Platinum level members, anytime diners, did not have a drink package and were just traveling by ourselves.

 

 

Next Up: Anarchy at embarkment, my muster t-shirt and a look at our cabin.

[JoyMouse]

I find your reviews highly entertaining and this sound like a good one. I've been lurking on the Princess boards since booking an Alaskan Cruise on Ruby next year (because what else does one do after making Diamond on RCI).

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Colo Cruiser]

Thanks for the review. :D

 

Sorry that there are thieves amongst us. (n)

[GlamorousGirl]

I took the same cruise and had the time of my life! I'm ready to be loyal to Princess after that, but unfortunately the remainder of our cruises this year are on other lines, and we didn't get to choose because they are land based casino comps. I completely agree with you about 5 days being too short - I was exhausted by 9:00pm every night and would have loved to have a spare "relaxation" day. Fortunately, we have a 7-day coming up - unfortunately it's on Norwegian ($80/day drink package anyone??!) I wish it was another Princess voyage. I expect your embarkation experience to be interesting... we got to port at 10:30am and waited 2 1/2 hours just to get to security and then another line to check in... needless to say that wasn't the highlight of the trip for us! Thanks for sharing.

[caribill]

 

 

 

 

 

I scratched my head. Somehow, like a junkie just out of rehab, Mrs. Winks had forgotten our motto (you know, the one we’d tattooed to our heads) and booked a 5-day cruise, on our least favorite cruise line, during the height of spring break.

 

Maybe it is because the sign on your head says "less than 7 days 4 life."

 

 

A 5-day cruise fits into the "less than 7 days" category.

[Thrak]

5 days is too short. However, 7 days is also too short.

[cruisingpeople]

Glad to have you back. Always enjoyable to read your reviews that are filled with great wit and banter.:eek:

 

Joe

[Bill B]

Love the post tattoo removal pic!... LOL.

[JF - retired RRT]

 

 

I know what happened!!

This is the symbol for MORE THAN >

This is the symbol for LESS THAN <

Blame it on the tattoo artist.

[justafem]

Welp with the less than 7 and the loyal to RAYOL, you knew there'd be something wrong with your plan...

[Ron the Rev]

5 days is too short. However, 7 days is also too short.

 

Every day is a bonus. Worked for elite Thrak, got there at last the hard way (ie days sailed and number of cruises taken) free laundry so no longer have to smell a bit. Happy day every blessing:).

:)

[desiro]

HI - love your pictures. We are leaving on the Royal next Sunday - and have a full suite - what is the Free Happy Hour in the concierge lounge? I didn't think they served alcohol in there? Please let me know! Thanks!

[Bill B]

HI - love your pictures. We are leaving on the Royal next Sunday - and have a full suite - what is the Free Happy Hour in the concierge lounge? I didn't think they served alcohol in there? Please let me know! Thanks!

 

That's on Royal Carribbean, not the Royal Princess.

[cantwaitfornextcruise]

So glad your back, missed your funny reviews. I have wine in hand waiting with baited breath for the next instalment

[NavyVeteran]

5 days is too short. However, 7 days is also too short.

 

10 days is too short. 14 days is almost long enough - but not really.

[gnatz007]

Good review. You need to get to work and finish it before tomorrow night ;) We board Sunday!

 

Thanks!

[riclop]

Thanks for the review.

[AF-1]

I would go on a five day cruise. I can have fun an any length cruise.

[WinksCruises]

Here’s a new one for you. We got up early Monday morning intent on getting to the dock by 10:30 am. Being suite guests, we knew we’d be among the first to board which, on a 5-Day cruise, is really important, because you want to start milking the ship of its amenities as soon as possible. Initially, our plan was coming together perfectly. Bags were packed and tagged. Car was loaded. Everyone had piddled (at least twice). And then the Achilles’ heel of our best-laid plans reared its ugly head… Mrs. Winks’ sister, whom we had graciously browbeaten into giving us a ride to the cruise port, reported that her CR-V was nearly empty from carting us around all weekend; she needed to get some gas. No problem. We were actually ahead of schedule (for once). Fossil fuel away.

 

Except you don’t know the Winks women. They share a common gene. They have to pay the lowest possible price for gas. In the state. Even if that means traveling miles out of their way to do so.

 

I did a quick calculation and determined we could afford this little hiccup in our otherwise flawless plan, so we hit road in search of the cheapest fill-up station in Broward County, for which my sister-in-law had the appropriate iPhone app.

 

Ten minutes later, we were at the cheapest gas in Broward County. They actually had a sandwich board proclaiming this out in front and a line of vehicles (mostly landscaper trucks) endlessly jockeying for position at pumps as they freed-up. To speed up the process, I hopped out, intent on paying by credit card, despite the gasps and pleas for reason from Mrs. Winks and her sister, who always pay in cash. But after sliding the card, putting in my zip code and social security number, plus my PIN and a retina scan, the little monitor display read: “Sorry, Unauthorized Card or User. Please See Attendant.”

 

Long story, short. Because of some sort of main office server crash, EVERY pump at this gas station locked up and stopped working. It was a Cumberland Farms, btw. They wouldn’t even pump gas for cash! And, of course, it took about 10 minutes for all us to figure this out. And wouldn’t you know, the Winks women considered waiting out the fuel stoppage - rather than entertain the thought of paying more at a gas station where the pumps were actually WORKING!

 

I eventually convinced them we had to move on or risk missing sail away, so we ended up filling the tank for an obscene 2-cents more a gallon at a station a few miles down the road. But by now, it was clear we weren’t getting to Pier 19, where the Crown was waiting for us, before 11:30 am. My dreams of being the first passenger to waltz onto the ship were dashed.

 

But as luck would have it, our late arrival to Port Everglades didn’t end up mattering much. Looking up from our bags, we found an Amazon River long line of waiting passengers that snaked around the entire drop-off area. The space outside the terminal building was in complete anarchy and when we asked where we could find the preferred boarding line, we were greeted by laughs. “You’re standing in it, sugar. And you sure got butchered on that tattoo removal.”

 

From what we could determine, the port officials had only just started granting access to the building - and at a slow trickle of about 20 people at a time. Mrs. Winks dug into one of her multiple carry-on bags and pulled out our boarding pass. Surely Princess Suite Guests didn’t need to tolerate these barbaric conditions. After dropping our bags and ill-fated case of bottled water with the porters, we headed to the front of the line.

 

At the front of the line, Mrs. Winks flashed the gate-keeper our boarding passes and our claim of suite status. He said our suite status held no cache outside the terminal and that we were already on the appropriate Preferred Boarding line (which by now had successfully weaved its way back to the Princess terminal at the Port of Miami, confusing things even further). But seeing the despondency in my eyes and the empty shell of a fellow human being whose dreams had just been crushed, he gave us a discreet nod and allowed us to line cut just as he opened the way for the next small batch of people.

 

As it turned out, the Crown Princess had just returned from a month-long plus itinerary around South America and was undergoing longer-than-usual security, customs and maritime inspections. This resulted in a snail-like boarding process that stretched out all afternoon, frustrating spring break party enthusiasts, delaying the ship’s scheduled muster by an hour, and, from one unsubstantiated report, led to Ft. Lauderdale police being called to the pier to mollify increasingly vocal guests still waiting to board.

 

Despite our ill-gained access to the terminal building and subsequent speedy passage through security and registration desks, we were ultimately stopped just short of the escalators that led up to the gangplanks. “Platinum card?” said the petite port host, thrusting up her arm to impede our progress. “Please take a seat over in those chairs and wait to be called.”

 

We joined about 50 other glum looking guests, crowded together like naughty school children, in a small alcove filled with rows of folding chairs. Most folks there were glued to their mobile devices, taking advantage of the terminal building’s free Wi-Fi, while others simply re-arranged their carry-on bags endlessly and then rechecked their boarding documents in nervous frustration.

 

After sitting there for about a half hour, we noticed that the officious pit bull host stationed at the escalator was now granting certain people access. It was unfathomable! How could THESE people have more clout than us? And then it dawned on us. We were sitting amongst fellow Platinum level members (shudder), not suite guests. “It’s not like on Royal Caribbean where suite guests get a gold-colored card to distinguish them. That blind old bat didn’t see the small Suite insignia stamped onto our gray card. I can hardly see it, myself!” declared Mrs. Winks.

 

Mrs. Winks went up to the host and pointed out the tiny Suite insignia printed on the card. “Oh, but of course, Suite Guests come right this way” at which point she dropped her arm and let us proceed.

 

Arghhh! We had been sitting with those lowly platinum card carriers when we could have been on board since the beginning?? So much for priority embarkation privileges. Seriously, Princess, if you don’t make the Suite status stand out on the card, how are the peons supposed to know about our privileged greatness?? Which led to Mrs. Winks and I having an inane discussion during lunch about starting a business of selling over-sized Suite Guest stickers to slap on cruise cards that didn’t highlight the class distinction adequately. That went nowhere fast!

 

Once on the ship, we looked around for our complimentary glass of champagne, and then remembered that’s how Celebrity line greets you, not Princess.

 

Rather than dealing with the Horizon Court buffet, we decided to take lunch at the Main Dining Room which was offering a limited menu (see above). The meal was okay (and we were sure to note the latest Princess cost-cutting measure, the now legendary limit of two pads of butter per table) but the waiter seemed visibly upset when we didn’t want to fork over $60 for the next day’s wine tasting he was pedaling. “You ordered a glass of wine and champagne with lunch, why wouldn’t you want to attend our wine tasting?” he pleaded. I told him, sorry, but it conflicted with my Friends of Bill W. meeting.

And that glass of wine he mentioned? They never delivered it. Which was fine by me, since I realized I needed to rehydrate. But this appalling lack of attention to details was surprising to find, especially in the main dining room. Fortunately, I was not charged for it, or I would have made a fuss.

 

 

After lunch, we headed up to our aft-facing cabin where we met our stateroom steward, Iris. (Real name Irais - but that sounded too much like Isis, she told us, so would we please just call her Iris). The stateroom itself was finely appointed and included all our promised welcoming amenities - including two small bottles of champagne, a bowl of honey roasted peanuts, a fruit basket, stationary with our names on it (what a waste!) and, somewhat archaically, a list of available DVDs, which was, surprisingly, up-to-date with a lot of recent releases as of Feb 2017.

 

We then went up to check out Mrs. Winks’ favorite part of the ship, the adults-only aft swimming pool several decks above us. Then, on the way back down our hallway to get our life jackets for 3 pm muster, we spotted our luggage lined up - in front of someone else’s stateroom! (An inside cabin to boot!) That was strange and quite uncalled for! And just one in a long series of small, but still bothersome, service issues we would encounter during this voyage on Crown. Near misses, not cruise killers, but a noticeable lowering of the standards from that which we typically expect from this haughty brand.

 

 

After stealing back our own luggage from the other stateroom, we went out on our balcony where we had a butt-end view of the Celebrity Summit, a ship we have sailed on before, which was moored perpendicular to us. We had recently read she had propulsion issues - which had altered itineraries and delayed some departures. A quick Google search right now shows she is still experiencing such problems, today! Tough luck, because she’s generally an okay ride.

Our relatively large balcony was listed on the Princess site as having an Obstructed View - because of a steel beam that rides up through the end. It's not all that obtrusive, and the balcony is big enough that it becomes a non-issue. It actually provided shelter from the wind, which, as you will learn later, was important for a lot of this sailing! (See picture above).

So then, while out on the balcony, soaking in the industrial nuanced Port Everglades view, we got the announcement over the PA system that, in order to “accommodate guests still waiting to board the Crown,” muster would be delayed for another hour… until 4 pm.

 

In a way, that was a relief, because no one likes going to muster, especially an early muster. But at the same time, we were concerned that the line of our fellow passengers (remember? the ones we line-cut earlier in the day) had not yet abated. What was going on??

 

 

Even with an hour of muster reprieve, the rest of the afternoon flew by, as it always does on boarding day. We stopped by the spa to sign-up for our complimentary couples massage appointment (Shudder, some more). Checked out the offerings at the International Café. Re-zapped Mrs. Wink’s room card at Passenger Services (it had already gotten demagnetized) and made an appointment at the Crown Grille specialty dining restaurant for the next evening, formal night.

 

Once back in the stateroom, I was finally able to don my special muster shirt, and we headed down the emergency-only aft stairwell, right by our stateroom, to Club Fusion two decks below (even though we found a Cabin-Cleared flag already hanging from our cabin door handle!)

 

I’ve ranted about muster drills before on several other trip reports, so I won’t go into it again here, other than to state it’s become a charade and ineffective - with most passengers actively resenting it and even the staff smirking during most of it. I’m not arguing against the need for muster drills. I actually wear a t-shirt extolling its virtues! It just seems to me that there has to be a better, 21st century, way to go about performing it. The whole process needs updating. Make cruising great again!

 

 

After the muster zoo, we curiously peered over the side of the ship to see a line of onboarding passengers still weaving their way up along the gangplank jetway. I don’t know how Princess managed to eventually get everyone on board in time, but by 5 pm the Crown’s engines were firing up.

 

Mrs. Winks and I headed up to the top deck to witness what must have been the least well attended sail away party in our cruising history. Apparently, many passengers were still unpacking (or trying to find what other cabin had mistakenly received their luggage) and getting ready for the early dinner seating.

 

It was an auspicious beginning for one of the oddest voyages we have ever been on.

 

 

Coming Up: Dinner at the Salty Dog, Wheelhouse Bar Revisited, Re-Arranging Deck Chairs on the Crown Princess, and The Wearing of Shorts at Crown Grille Restaurant on Formal Night (Oh my!)

Edited April 1, 2017 by WinksCruises

[GUT2407]

10 days is too short. 14 days is almost long enough - but not really.

34 days in 2015, that was too short.

[Woobstr112G]

I'm enjoying your review. Thanks for taking the time to post it.....:):):)

Bob

[WinksCruises]

Thanks for your readership and comments - especially from those of you who've followed our previous exploits. It's good to see you again.

 

@JoyMouse: Ruby is one of our favorite Princess ships, so have fun on her in Alaska.

 

@ Several of you: Okay, okay. Mrs. Winks and I both regret our facial tattoos. (But not nearly as much as our employers do). We get it! And it's pretty obvious that our Jamaican artist friend, who inked us that night, was both high and dyslexic. And we were drunk. No need to keep rubbing it in! The errors on our foreheads were the only reason we decided to get them removed! Durr... The sentiments about cruise length and line still remain the same.

 

@Desiro and Bill B: Yeah, we gotta learn to stop saying just "Royal". Too many here confuse it with Royal Princess. As Bill B pointed out, we were referring to Royal Caribbean - which has a free happy hour for Suite Guests and Diamond and above levels every night. That's a HUGE differentiator. And the chief reason we ultimately want to stick with Royal / Celebrity. Princess does offer a nightly gathering with free appetizers and a reduced-price cocktail for Suite / Elite and higher. But on this cruise, we didn't even bother to attend it. It's pretty meh. We find free express laundry / dry cleaning to be Princess' best premium perk. And on Regal Princess, we did have a concierge and lounge of sorts. (See our Regal review below in our signature for more - it's similar to Royal Princess).

 

More review to come. You haven't even gotten to the shortened Amber Cover stop and the sea sickness days! And some of our silly Snapchat footage. Yikes! All coming up...

 

Feel free to ask your Crown questions. We'll try our best.... blah blah blah.

 

Bonus: Here's a picture of a White-Winged Dove I snapped in the Amber Cove. Ain't she purty?

[dchip]

Enjoying your review and photos as always!!!

 

Cheers, Denise

[Bemidji Ty]

Thanks again.

 

Cheers

[coopco]

OMG - love your commentary. So hilarious! Can't wait to hear more.