Preventing disappointment/problems for cruise mates

[Buford T Justiice]

Explain free style dining.

 

The baked Alaska parade days are over... there's no white glove service in the dining rooms... set reasonable dining expectations

[Doug R.]

We t traveling with 2 other couples in April.

We made a closed group fb page and I copy and paste a bunch of info there. Especially a lot of cruise critic info. Doug's live review, specialty restaurant menus, drink pictures, and excursions.

I like to plan meals and shows ahead of time. I made a schedule showing free time on sea days with meeting times for dinner and shows.

 

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Dor you smite those that deviate from your schedule? :evilsmile:

[BlueHonu]

Dor you smite those that deviate from your schedule? :evilsmile:

Haha. No.

The joke is that everyone is with Tom's Tours. I just try to give ideas. They can follow, or do their own thing.

 

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[phoenix1181]

We've been there and done that. Friends had a great trip and, thanks to DH, became our cruise and vacation buddies for quite awhile. I, on the other hand, did NOT have a great cruise or vacation for several years because I became the cruise/vacation planner/director. They were very agreeable to whatever we wanted to do, wherever we wanted to go, whenever we wanted to eat, etc, etc.

 

I hate to sound so negative and it wasn't all bad but it was very stressful for me. They expected to be with us all the time. My day started with being asked at breakfast what we were doing today and ended with "what time are we meeting for breakfast?"

 

DH is a very quiet, easy going, guy and didn't want me to push back so for a long time, I didn't. When I finally did, I pushed so hard we stopped seeing them for a few years and the relationship never recovered.

 

All this to say I would recommend that in addition to providing information relative to the cruise, you should let them know what your expectations are. Do you want to be with them every waking moment? Do you intend to have every meal, drink, show, excursion, etc, with them or will you and your DH want some time alone? Make sure they know what you expect from them so you don't end up like we did.........

[uneamie]

Formal Nights. Bring dress clothes.

Hmm...haven't you got the memo? There are NO formal nights on NCL. Have not been any for a very long long time. There are 2 restaurants that require "pants" but no "dressing up". There is also a "Dress up or NOT" night which means you don't have to ever bring dressy clothes if you don't want to.

[beerman2]

Explain free style dining.

 

The baked Alaska parade days are over... there's no white glove service in the dining rooms... set reasonable dining expectations

 

Carnival has brought back the Baked Alaska parade.

[April42749]

Ugh.....I hear you. My husband's brother and sister visited us last summer...and they also said "whatever you want to do is fine". Unfortunately....a few months later we found out I was a big disappointment and led to fighting between me and DH (which he later admitted he was wrong). Neither speak English, both are hard of hearing and both have physical limitations. Come on....I live in NYC....there is NO shortage of information about "what to do" here....but it was too challenging for them. For example....I took them on the Staten Island Ferry, where you see the Statue of Liberty. I did not take them to Liberty Island because 1) they don't speak English and would not understand the exhibit and 2) there is a lot of climbing stairs and neither of them are capable. And then there was the food which would take volumes to explain how embarrassed DH was because of me. Oh...and I didn't mention that in order to take care of my own health needs I was hitting the gym at 6am...so I could also accommodate them the rest of the day.

 

Anyway...I am assuming you are the wife and these are DH's brother/wife or sister/husband.

 

Explain to you husband that you are NOT a mind reader. They have to research things and let you know what they want to do and discuss this with you. You may like different things or just want to do different things. And tell DH that he has to get involved because this is not your responsibility and you are not a tour guide. At least if your DH is involved he won't come back and 6 months later tell you that you ruined their cruise. And emphasize to DH that you are not glued at the hip...and DH should nicely let them know that. In other words, they should not feel obligated to do something because you want to do that.

 

Sorry for the rant....but this brings back unpleasant memories.

 

Good Luck

[uneamie]

I am sort of in the same position with our upcoming cruise in Jan. I booked the entire cruise, made all the ressies and bought all the insurance for 4 of us.....my 2 adult brothers and my hubby and myself. My husband has always counted on me doing all the planning and all he has to do is drive to the port. LOL Now I will have 2 brothers who never cruised before..ugh! I didn't realize till I read this post the position I put myself in. It's bad enough that my husband has no idea what, where and when we are ever doing anything and does not give a hoot as long as he does not have to make a decision, but now I have 2 more people who will be the same way. I do know that if I were going with friends that I would not want to spend 24/7 with any of them. So perhaps I will remember this in the future and never invite any of them. LOL

[cb at sea]

The more info you give them in advance, the less they are likely to enjoy the experience. Part of the fun of doing something for the 1st time is the "discovery" process!

 

If they're content to let you take care of the arrangements...fine....but don't be telling them how much fun "this" or "that" is...let them find it out for themselves!

[weltek]

You've all been so helpful (and provided some levity)-thanks! And I'm trying to walk the delicate line between preparing them and letting them enjoy on board discoveries. I should have kept my mouth shot about Pinchos and Food Republic. :) I know I like to be uber prepared (but don't actually overplan our time), and not everyone needs that same level of preparation. I do it to avoid DH's anxiety flare ups. I can never know which days he'll roll with it and which he'll freak out. BIL has PTSD which can similarly flare. Hence why I wanted to make sure he knew what boarding would be like (a crowded mess when you walk on ship), and that we will lead us to one of two spots away from the crowds.

 

I know they got their passports. It was a five year process that made us all laugh at how ridiculously long it took them to get it done. Now I have to make sure they actually bring it. We told our FIL where they are this weekend in case he needs to overnight them to Miami!

 

I desperately hope I don't end up in the situation as poster phoenix1181. I've had that vacation before and vowed never again. Once on board, the strings are being fairly well cut to try and avoid that. Even DH and I split for a lot of sea day things.

[phoenix1181]

You've all been so helpful (and provided some levity)-thanks! And I'm trying to walk the delicate line between preparing them and letting them enjoy on board discoveries. I should have kept my mouth shot about Pinchos and Food Republic. :) I know I like to be uber prepared (but don't actually overplan our time), and not everyone needs that same level of preparation. I do it to avoid DH's anxiety flare ups. I can never know which days he'll roll with it and which he'll freak out. BIL has PTSD which can similarly flare. Hence why I wanted to make sure he knew what boarding would be like (a crowded mess when you walk on ship), and that we will lead us to one of two spots away from the crowds.

 

I know they got their passports. It was a five year process that made us all laugh at how ridiculously long it took them to get it done. Now I have to make sure they actually bring it. We told our FIL where they are this weekend in case he needs to overnight them to Miami!

 

I desperately hope I don't end up in the situation as poster phoenix1181. I've had that vacation before and vowed never again. Once on board, the strings are being fairly well cut to try and avoid that. Even DH and I split for a lot of sea day things.

 

Sounds like you have everything pretty well covered. I hope all goes well and you all enjoy the cruise..............

[kitkat343]

I'm the planner. I plan out the excursions I want to do, and then print out the ship's excursions. I tell them, "you're more than welcome to join us, but feel free to take your own excursion if you prefer." A lot of the time, my mom and aunt would join us, but other times we'd do things for my kids that they'd rather skip, and they can go on a shopping excursion. Do be prepared for the possibility that they may get annoyed at one point - my mom was suprised when I booked a dolphin touch program that the dolphins were in the water and she'd need to stand in knee deep water to interact with them. Our experience on NCL was that we didn't love the food in the MDR (although plenty of people do) so please let them know they can try it one night, and if they don't like it to feel free to sign up for the specialty restaurants (which were great).

[Freethinker1602]

so... being a fellow over planner... people don't actually enjoy plans being made for them as much as you think you do and as well intentioned as it is. You can worry a lot, but it's their vacation, do don't hyper schedule them. I think one excursion is ok. but honestly I have found royal caribbean excursions to be hit or miss and I have a much better time if I just go out on the town and find a local guide. Had a blast on barbados and Martinique where we did not book an excursion and enjoyed shopping an island tour and beaches at our leisure. My mom would plan and it would make vacations quite unenjoyable and not relaxing. She would schedule every detail on a vacation, each ride, each show, each land mark... she tried to make everybody and herself happy with all her planning and I honestly did not appreciate it as a kid and still don't appreciate being over managed in that way. My step mom was a micromanager and would leave notes around the house and it was hard to breathe. Now as an adult, I find it too easy to immitate how I was raised and the truth is, people just don't like it. If you think about OCD-type planners on TV, they are eccentric and would not be liked in real life. Think Monica from Friends or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or Felix from The Odd Couple or Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H... fact is, planning to such a high degree is abnormal and say 90% of the world doesn't like over planning the way you do. Give yourself a break and give them a break and plan a little less. Maybe take a page from their style of vacationing and actually relax. They might not appreciate or want all the planning. Maybe ask them how they feel about haviing you plan it all. Maybe they just don't want to tell you not to do it. I had to take a hard look at my methods and realized that the world largely does not hyper plan and the people that do are some times hard to be around.

 

Please don't take what I've said personally or place that much value on it. take it with a grain of salt. I regret posting it, but devil's advocate needs to be played.

 

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[annmarz]

Stuffing wet clothes into the paper laundry bag, will not end well :rolleyes:

Thanks for the laugh tonight!

[CruiseGal999]

so... being a fellow over planner... people don't actually enjoy plans being made for them as much as you think you do and as well intentioned as it is. You can worry a lot, but it's their vacation, do don't hyper schedule them. I think one excursion is ok. but honestly I have found royal caribbean excursions to be hit or miss and I have a much better time if I just go out on the town and find a local guide. Had a blast on barbados and Martinique where we did not book an excursion and enjoyed shopping an island tour and beaches at our leisure. My mom would plan and it would make vacations quite unenjoyable and not relaxing. She would schedule every detail on a vacation, each ride, each show, each land mark... she tried to make everybody and herself happy with all her planning and I honestly did not appreciate it as a kid and still don't appreciate being over managed in that way. My step mom was a micromanager and would leave notes around the house and it was hard to breathe. Now as an adult, I find it too easy to immitate how I was raised and the truth is, people just don't like it. If you think about OCD-type planners on TV, they are eccentric and would not be liked in real life. Think Monica from Friends or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or Felix from The Odd Couple or Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H... fact is, planning to such a high degree is abnormal and say 90% of the world doesn't like over planning the way you do. Give yourself a break and give them a break and plan a little less. Maybe take a page from their style of vacationing and actually relax. They might not appreciate or want all the planning. Maybe ask them how they feel about haviing you plan it all. Maybe they just don't want to tell you not to do it. I had to take a hard look at my methods and realized that the world largely does not hyper plan and the people that do are some times hard to be around.

 

Please don't take what I've said personally or place that much value on it. take it with a grain of salt. I regret posting it, but devil's advocate needs to be played.

 

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While I agree with pretty much everything you say here, it doesn't speak to the OPs post. They are trying to educate their companions. They are NOT going to plan every minute of every day for their companions. They are working on trying to poitely/nicely NOT be with companions every minute of every day.

[Freethinker1602]

all though... heads up on the PTSD... you know when you sometimes hit a larger than normal wave and you hear a huge crashing bang noise, seemingly from nowhere (or a piece of floating ocean pollution junk)... that can be very jarring so once on board in a calm setting, mention that sometimes the ship might make a loud noise in the night and that it's a completely normal thing to feel or hear. Loud crashes with a physical shockwave are startling and can excite symptoms from PTSD.

 

All though rare, ships do strike whales... it probably won't happen, and it is not necessarily a joking matter... but it can help to joke about those random ship sounds to lessen anxiety. Unless he really likes whales. In which case... the loch Ness monster escaped into the ocean. It's Nessie's way of saying hi.

 

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[mugtech]

Are they Coke drinkers? :halo:

Trouble maker!!! See other thread

[tef43]

I did that once with friends.......Never again:D

 

^ THIS!

 

The last thing that I want to waste my time doing on a cruise is babysitting newbies.

[wdsted]

We’ve been in the same boat (as it were) a couple of times. Luckily, everything turned out great. One, when some grumbling started, I just told this couple that all issues or complaints needed to be sorted out with guest services, not me, and that we too were on vacation. Better to be honest and nip any of this in the bud ASAP then ruin your cruise or your friendship. And RELAX. It’s not your job to babysit adults.

 

 

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[Markanddonna]

We've cruised once with longtime friends and the best advice is to let them "know how you roll." I explained our typical sea day and a typical port day. We had a huge challenge since the wife has emotional problems and ended up staying in the cabin "resting" most of the time (just like at home.) We had a good time with the husband at various times but felt no responsibility towards encouraging his wife to be more active.

 

So, if your friends are laid back types, they aren't going to morph into a structured Energizer Bunny.

[weltek]

so... being a fellow over planner... people don't actually enjoy plans being made for them as much as you think you do and as well intentioned as it is. You can worry a lot, but it's their vacation, do don't hyper schedule them. I think one excursion is ok. but honestly I have found royal caribbean excursions to be hit or miss and I have a much better time if I just go out on the town and find a local guide. Had a blast on barbados and Martinique where we did not book an excursion and enjoyed shopping an island tour and beaches at our leisure. My mom would plan and it would make vacations quite unenjoyable and not relaxing. She would schedule every detail on a vacation, each ride, each show, each land mark... she tried to make everybody and herself happy with all her planning and I honestly did not appreciate it as a kid and still don't appreciate being over managed in that way. My step mom was a micromanager and would leave notes around the house and it was hard to breathe. Now as an adult, I find it too easy to immitate how I was raised and the truth is, people just don't like it. If you think about OCD-type planners on TV, they are eccentric and would not be liked in real life. Think Monica from Friends or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory or Felix from The Odd Couple or Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H... fact is, planning to such a high degree is abnormal and say 90% of the world doesn't like over planning the way you do. Give yourself a break and give them a break and plan a little less. Maybe take a page from their style of vacationing and actually relax. They might not appreciate or want all the planning. Maybe ask them how they feel about haviing you plan it all. Maybe they just don't want to tell you not to do it. I had to take a hard look at my methods and realized that the world largely does not hyper plan and the people that do are some times hard to be around.

 

Please don't take what I've said personally or place that much value on it. take it with a grain of salt. I regret posting it, but devil's advocate needs to be played.

 

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I get what you are saying. I'm pretty honest about myself (and my flaws) and am not an over the top OCD planner. I travel a lot for work and commonly do this at the last minute, so am comfortable with not being able to predict everything and showing up at the airport at the last minute. I also don't plan more than a handful of things for our vacations, leaving days where we can be totally flexible. Being a planner doesn't doesn't mean I'm an overplanner. But yes, even a regular planner can feel overbearing to some people.

 

I give myself a 7/10 for my current performance. :-) I'd give myself higher, but I really should've left some things as a "surprise" for them to discover on the ship. I told them we are going to a bbq joint in Nassau and they are welcome to join us. I told them if they wanted to join us on the Jamaica food tour, they needed to book now, as spots were dwindling. And in the Caymans, I said we are renting a boat and they are welcome to join us. They don't know if she'll be sea sick (she's worried about it, and I've given her advice of what to bring along), so don't want to committ. I said that's fine, the boat is ours and they can decide at the last minute. I told them where we were making our specialty dining reservations for, and they said, "ok, just tell us where and when." When I made the reservations for four, I reinforced that they can decide not to join us and there's no penalty.

 

After our last trip together (a short 3 day weekend in California), BIL doesn't get why I use Yelp and always thinks the hotel desk is the best place to get options. Having been told by hotel clerks that the best place for drinks is Olive Garden and the best breakfast is Denny's, I like to have some other opinions. I learned on that trip that I need to backoff sometimes and just let him go with the hotel clerk's suggestion, even if it is Denny's.

[weltek]

 

All though rare, ships do strike whales... it probably won't happen, and it is not necessarily a joking matter... but it can help to joke about those random ship sounds to lessen anxiety. Unless he really likes whales. In which case... the loch Ness monster escaped into the ocean. It's Nessie's way of saying hi.

 

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I'm totally going to use "Nessie says hi" now!

[Jana60]

We are cruising with my BIL & SIL in January. We are seasoned cruisers, and they have never cruised before. When we asked them if they wanted to join us, we knew they weren't detail people. Little did we know just how deep that ran. They are NOT planners (she couldn't even tell someone at Christmas what cruise line we were sailing), so everything that is a MUST do has fallen on me. They seem to think it makes my life easier just to say, "we'll do whatever you want to do." Sigh. The good news is that they will generally be quite happy just to relax in the sun. I've sent them the link on the NCL page about preparing for their cruise. Not sure if they'll actually read it.

 

I've taken care of the following:

-Booked FLL to hotel transportation

-Specialty restaurant reservations for all four of us

-Booked one excursion

-Given them some general advice on what to expect re: boarding, their specialty dining and beverage packages.

 

I didn't think to tell them details about internet, and that came up this weekend. They were surprised (and a tiny bit put out) they'd have to pay for access. What else is important to tell them in order to manage their expectations?

 

I don't want to make this all my responsibility, but they will do zero research and I want them to have a decent time (that will make my vacation more enjoyable once there!). Are there things that were a rude-awakening for you on a cruise, or did your inexperienced companions freak out about something?

 

Edited to add we are cruising on the Escape (we've been on it) to Grand Cayman, Falmouth, Nassau, and GSC, if that matters (it's our first time to CG & Falmouth).

 

 

 

Remembering back to my first cruise 35 cruises ago I think the things I found most unexpected were the following:

 

1) You get unlimited food coffee or tea in the general restaurants but it doesn’t include soda pop or alcoholic beverages. When they offer you a drink on the deck, its not free!

2) There are often long lines at the information desk so if you have questions its alot easier to call from your cabin and sit and do your nails or makeup while on hold.

3) Have your family look over the various shows and activities and plan reservations for shows that are especially limited in availability.

4) Have your family look over the possible tours the cruise line offers and if there is an activity or tour they like check and see what that tour costs on line through other tour companies or even through the company that actually performs the tour. If you and your family don’t see anything you especially like just get off the boat at the ports and look around. You will find lots of tour agents eager to sell tours at a much lower price than the cruise ship price. If you book non cruise line tour make sure its planned return is at least 1-2 hours before ship sails. That way if, God forbid, the tour vehicle breaks down, you still have time to get back to the port by cab. I always do tours, beach, ect... early and plan shopping at the end of the day very near or in the port so that I have that time cushion just in case.

5) make sure everybody has their passport airline tickets and money with them before heading for the airport on your day of departure.

6) If your family do not feel comfortable filling out paperwork online then be prepared to fill out their Pre-registration information For them at the cruise line site and print out the cruise documents for them also. After 35 cruises I can almost do this in my sleep so I always carry out this function for my family members.

7) If your family are telling you that they will just do what you do it may mean they don’t feel comfortable arranging any of it in an unfamiliar situation. If it took six months for your family members to get their passports it is likely that they have a tendency to procrastinate because I can think of very few circumstances under which it would literally take six months to get a passport. Only you know your family members best. For instance my oldest sister will say you just arrange everything but she actually means she wants to hear about all the different possibilities and choose but wants me to take care of the paperwork and details. On the other hand my middle sister will say she wants me to arrange everything and she literally means to just arrange it and she’ll do whatever I do.

 

 

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[PTC DAWG]

“Not going to babysit adults”....Paraphrased, best comment of this thread...

[mjkacmom]

I’d just let them know that since many get the dining package as a perk, to make reservations in advance.