Am I the bad guy?

[cruiseny4life]

Don't cancel. Don't break up. Have an adult discussion. You do your thing. She does hers, albeit hers is much harder, but she has a kid and made that decision awhile ago. 

 

I know personally how distance makes the heart grow fonder or whatever that quote is. I believe I paraphrased terribly. In 2021, my husband took a job in Glacier National Park, then in Yellowstone National Park for the summer. I was left to working in good old Rochester, NY, with my two dogs as company. We survived, grew stronger, blah blah....this summer, he works five days away from me in the Adirondacks, then we have one to two days (mostly days I work) together. Instead of two dogs, I have a bunch of property, a gigantic 1860's era house, four dogs, and a cat to take care of. We make it work. Because we love each other. 

 

You can do it if you both are willing to make it work. 

[Peachypooh]

I don't know your circumstances. Taking an 8 year old out of school for a cruise in most school districts is not allowed. One option is to see  to see if you two can match schedules and postpone your birthday cruise to another time. Or just go alone. 

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Peachypooh

[Davechipp74]

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k. (I was over served when I booked on board,) I'm recently retired and it's my 50th birthday I'll probably wind up in Atlantic City for a few days. In retrospect it's a nice deposit in my account. 

[laudergayle]

4 minutes ago, Davechipp74 said:

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k. (I was over served when I booked on board,) I'm recently retired and it's my 50th birthday I'll probably wind up in Atlantic City for a few days. In retrospect it's a nice deposit in my account. 

You’re salvageable…lol.  Good luck with your new relationship and happy early birthday.

[Moonbug]

Relationships require compatible lifestyles.  Years ago as a single parent I dated a guy who was self employed so he had as much time off as he wanted.  He had no children.  He had a larger income.  I had a young child, a job with a few weeks vacation time.  I couldn’t possibly do vacations on his schedule.  We were just not in the same place in life.  In the year we dated, it was obvious. I wanted vacation time with my daughter, he wanted vacation with his partner.   No one was the bad guy.   We remained good friends and years later did cruises together with our spouses!

[Chelsea1]

    
High-rise window cleaning must have been a intensive career. Glad it was lucrative enough to retire at 50, so enjoy your retirement and relax! 

[schmoopie17]

1 hour ago, Davechipp74 said:

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k.  

I called it several posts back. I must be psycho...I mean psychic. 

[mjkacmom]

31 minutes ago, Moonbug said:

Relationships require compatible lifestyles.  Years ago as a single parent I dated a guy who was self employed so he had as much time off as he wanted.  He had no children.  He had a larger income.  I had a young child, a job with a few weeks vacation time.  I couldn’t possibly do vacations on his schedule.  We were just not in the same place in life.  In the year we dated, it was obvious. I wanted vacation time with my daughter, he wanted vacation with his partner.   No one was the bad guy.   We remained good friends and years later did cruises together with our spouses!

I see this often with divorced friends and family. My sister doesn’t need to work, in her early 50’s, children are almost all adults, had a couple of good relationships but she loves to travel and is done with being a soccer mom, guys with younger kids are in another phase in life. Another friend still has a 12 year old at home, boyfriend has never been married or had kids, there is a lot he just doesn’t get. It’s easier if you are starting from a similar place.

[complawyer]

imho! you are neither the good guy or the bad guy!. 1st off, the fact that your girlfriend cant go with you on the cruise is certainly no reason to break up. amongst other reasons previously expressed, maybe she  was uncomfortable with the cabin sleeping arrangements. she does have a young child, and im sure you were not the one planning to sleep on the sofa. youre the good guy for asking her but should not overreact when she said no

 

on the other hand (and im not trying to be judgmental) why dont you try dating someone closer to your own age. They'd probably have children old enough were school isnt an issue, and maybe more inclined  to travel with you.

 

give the woman break it's only been 4 1/2 months into your relationship

[complawyer]

other than that, feel free to rant on and on .......

[destar]

Dave, I gave you the solution before, go solo. You were nice enough to invite her and son, give it some time.

[kitkat343]

10 hours ago, Davechipp74 said:

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k. (I was over served when I booked on board,) I'm recently retired and it's my 50th birthday I'll probably wind up in Atlantic City for a few days. In retrospect it's a nice deposit in my account. 

Glad it all worked out.  Have fun in Atlantic City.  Give her some time and maybe eventually she'll be ready to vacation with you.  But if you aren't comfortable with the sacrifices dating a single mom entails, you might want to break up with her now.  Or stay with her but be more flexible in the future.  Good luck whatever you choose and happy birthday.  

[dcipjr]

17 hours ago, Davechipp74 said:

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k. (I was over served when I booked on board,) I'm recently retired and it's my 50th birthday I'll probably wind up in Atlantic City for a few days. In retrospect it's a nice deposit in my account. 

 

If it were me, I would re-book on the same cruise and pick a less expensive cabin. Even a regular balcony feels positively palatial when you're solo, and you can nab one of those for way less than $10k and still come out ahead.

For me, wanting more money in your pocket is a legitimate reason to cancel a cruise, but dating someone for a few months isn't.

 

After all, you're dating, not being sentenced to a penitentiary! Dating is supposed to be fun. 

 

You know what else is fun? Cruises.

 

I see no reason that you shouldn't be able to go on a cruise by yourself, have fun, and celebrate your birthday. If you're feeling like you shouldn't go, I think you need to ask yourself why. Is this coming from her, or from you? Bit of a red flag either way.

 

The only thing about a solo cruise that might conflict with dating would be if you hung an upside-down pineapple on your door. Maybe don't do that?

 

But do go enjoy yourself. You're turning 50, you're retired, and you've earned this.

Edited September 7, 2023 by dcipjr

[DCGuy64]

18 hours ago, Davechipp74 said:

I think secretly I wanted to cancel this trip simply because it's north of 10k. (I was over served when I booked on board,) I'm recently retired and it's my 50th birthday I'll probably wind up in Atlantic City for a few days. In retrospect it's a nice deposit in my account. 

Retired at 50? Any sympathy I had for you just evaporated! 🤣 JK, that's amazing, I'm 59 and I'll have to work a lot longer to be able to afford retirement. You must have done well, and that's awesome. Definitely feel you should rebook that solo cruise and go on another trip with your gf and kid later. Win/win!

[Barb Nahoumi]

On 9/5/2023 at 11:33 PM, Uff da said:

Why aren't you going? You don't trust her? She doesn't trust you? If that is the case, you are in the wrong relationship. 4 1/2 months is not enough to change your life over, for either of you. 

You should still go.  It was her decision not to go at that time.  Don't cancel.   Maybe next time the two of you can choose a time that will be mutually acceptable.

[cyntil8ing]

I met my husband when I was 32 and my child was 8. I didn't even introduce the two of them until we had been dating longer than 4.5 months! There is absolutely no flippin' way I would have traveled with them, especially sharing a room, that soon. Our first trip together was a weekend at an amusement park in our second year of dating.

[phillygwm]

You're coming across as clingy.  It was a nice gesture on your part but to everyone else's point, it's 4.5 months, not 4.5 years.  I have friends who haven't introduced their kid to the bf after that period.  And while you'll surely ingratiate yourself to him by putting them up in the Haven, that isn't great if the relationship fizzles.

[graphicguy]

You know, I probably shouldn't but this is just one of those things that goes way outside of Cruise Critic's intent from where I sit.  I have to be careful, as someone took my last advice and reported me, where the ADMINS admonished me. They were right to do so as the post was frivolous at best.

 

But seriously, it seems the OP is looking for validation here.  Not sure anyone can grant it.  Although, some are trying. Question was asked "am I the bad guy?".   I'll throw my hat into this ring.  You asked.  I'll answer since you're looking for opinions.  Lord knows I've got plenty of relationship experience (some good...some bad).

 

50 years old?  Looking for support from a group of strangers, on the internet no less?  In all frankness, this is something that should be handled by a professional.  We don't know who you are.  We don't know who the "other party" in this scenario is.  Regardless of the length of time they've been dating, apparently it's not serious enough to her to warrant a generous offer of a cruise, all expenses paid.  No matter, there's a lack of understanding on the expectations of this relationship, or even if there's a relationship at all, at least from her perspective.

 

Granted, I'm older than 50 by over a decade.  I'm single, have been for a little while.  I do date.  Matter of fact, the last woman I dated (for about 5 months)....super sweet person.....won a trip via her work to Nassau all expenses paid.  She invited me to go about 3 months ago.  I liked her.  I thought (think) she is/was a fine person.  I was flattered she thought of me to accompany her.  But, it would have sent the wrong message to her if I would have accepted the invite.  She thought of our relationship much differently than I did.  So, I totally understand where the female in this situation is coming from.

 

I do not fault the lady in this scenario, in the least.  I applaud her.  She could have taken advantage of the OP's generosity and then had fun while making him sleep on the couch (not sure of the Haven Cabin he had, but assuming for $11K it was big enough to offer a main bed and at least a pull out couch, where she could have insisted he sleep while she and her son slept in the main bed.  I also understand the hurt the OP felt when he was rejected.  As he said, he's "heart broken".  Emotional hurt is many times more damaging than physical hurt. It certainly lingers longer and takes longer to heal.

 

I suspect this was the end of their relationship as it's clear expectations were way different among the two of them. Not sure who broke up with whom.  But, it's just the end of.....a...what exactly?  Not sure it can be classified as a relationship.  I don't get that impression it was.

 

No "bad guy" here.  Lick your wounds.  Move on.

 

As an aside, the nice woman who invited me to vacation with her never spoke to me again after I told her I couldn't accept her very generous offer.  I guess that means she "broke up" with me.  I feel better about being honest with her than I would have by taking her up on the vacation offer.  Although, sucking down some Pina Colladas sitting on a beach sounds pretty good right now.

[Two Wheels Only]

1 hour ago, graphicguy said:

But seriously, it seems the OP is looking for validation here.  Not sure anyone can grant it.

 

So,....... it's like a "How much should I tip....?" thread? 🤔

[All-ready2cruise]

1 hour ago, graphicguy said:

In all frankness, this is something that should be handled by a professional.

But we both offered to help him at reasonable prices. I'm a little cheeky but, I do have lots of experience... Yes, I likely will have my hand slapped, or worse but, really, IMO, this whole thread should have been removed, as well.  

 

Apologies Admin. 

[WickedRed]

I was a single mom back at that age.  She probably doesn't have the ability to take the time off from work nor is a cruise an approved reason to pull a kid out of school.  Sure you could say it was educational to see other parts of the world, but we all know that's stretching things.  All my vacation time and some was pretty much dictated to me by daycare.  I couldn't afford to pay daycare's vacation time plus someone else to actually watch my son so I could work. Nah, I'd vacation when daycare vacationed.  Plus 4.5 months isn't a lot of time for a relationship.  What if next month she decided the relationship isn't working for her, but now she'd feel guilty breaking up with you because you spent extra money on a future vacation.  She'd probably feel trapped in the relationship.

 

You probably don't need to break up, but you do need to adjust your expectation on what she can do.  I don't gamble so the idea of picking Atlantic City over a cruise seems silly to me.  Then again, spending that amount of money on one cruise also seems silly to me.  Hey, you do you.  My 50th is in a couple years, and I'm eye balling a Greece cruise.  Will go alone if no one else is willing to come along.  Definitely not inviting any man I may be dating at the time to come along.  If there is such a person, then he can get his own room and pay for it.  They only clean rooms once a day now, so a spare bed may not be a bad idea.  HAHAHAHAHA!

[laudergayle]

OP has moved on after Post #30.  We should all move on as well.

[sid_9169]

I would rebook the cruise, but in a lower cabin category, save thousands of dollars, and go have a good time for your 50th birthday... Something tells me that you and this girl won't even be a "thing" anymore by the time it comes around anyway...

[laudergayle]

Crystal Ball or 8-Ball 🤣

Edited September 8, 2023 by laudergayle