Surprise 40th cruise for DW, inviting her friends and offering to pay, but need your

[SailBreakaway]

Hi all,

 

 

Just need the consensus of the experienced group here.

 

Wife's 40th coming up. Decided to do surprise bday cruise and vacation. Her friend and their family recently moved to FL. We are in New England. So I'm planning a 3 day Sky cruise, don't have time off from work and life for any longer than that. I am inviting her friend and husband to join us as I know how much it will mean to my wife.

 

This couple has never cruised before. They have not offered to pay for any portion after I explained the idea and my offer to pay their fare as part of the gift to my wife.

 

Is it socially acceptable and not disrespectful to book them in a oceanview porthole or inside room and for my wife's birthday book either a rear facing suite or large balcony? I will offer the couple their option of paying for the difference to a higher grade room if they wish.

 

I know this has zero to do with NCL but we travel frequently out of NY (hence my screename) but wanted the majority consensus from the group. With Sky the fare will relieve them from all drink costs as well.

 

Thanks for your input.

Edited June 20, 2016 by SailBreakaway

[IsanTom]

Book them an ocean view and let them know they can upgrade, if they wish!

Edited June 20, 2016 by IsanTom

[casofilia]

Before you book anything explain to your friends what you are thinking and see how they react.

[LrgPizza]

If they are anything other than supremely grateful, then they should be ditched as friends.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

[dreamin'ofthesea]

Hi all,

 

 

Just need the consensus of the experienced group here.

 

Wife's 40th coming up. Decided to do surprise bday cruise and vacation. Her friend and their family recently moved to FL. We are in New England. So I'm planning a 3 day Sky cruise, don't have time off from work and life for any longer than that. I am inviting her friend and husband to join us as I know how much it will mean to my wife.

 

This couple has never cruised before. They have not offered to pay for any portion after I explained the idea and my offer to pay their fare as part of the gift to my wife.

 

 

 

Is it socially acceptable and not disrespectful to book them in a oceanview porthole or inside room and for my wife's birthday book either a rear facing suite or large balcony? I will offer the couple their option of paying for the difference to a higher grade room if they wish.

 

I know this has zero to do with NCL but we travel frequently out of NY (hence my screename) but wanted the majority consensus from the group. With Sky the fare will relieve them from all drink costs as well.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

I think this is actually quite fraught with difficulty. For instance, this is YOUR gift to your wife, not theirs. Do they have the money to pay any of an upgrade or extras (their are always extras).its sounds a bit like you think they should have offered to pay and you're a bit miffed that they didn't. Would your wife enjoy a suite knowing her friends are in an inferior class because they can't afford anything more expensive? And they are their because of her? As I say, it depends how your wife and her friends would take it?

Another poster said they should be grateful, but some people have pride and may see it as charity. You say they have never cruised before but you don't say whether they want to. Perhaps they have never cruised before because they can't afford it or it has never appealed to them, so they would only be doing it to please your wife. It really depends on the people.

 

Me personally, see too many areas of conflict so would not do it it unless I was really sure of my wife and her friends responses.

[graphicguy]

I think this is actually quite fraught with difficulty. For instance' date=' this is YOUR gift to your wife, not theirs. Do they have the money to pay any of an upgrade or extras (their are always extras).its sounds a bit like you think they should have offered to pay and you're a bit miffed that they didn't. Would your wife enjoy a suite knowing her friends are in an inferior class because they can't afford anything more expensive? And they are their because of her? As I say, it depends how your wife and her friends would take it?

Another poster said they should be grateful, but some people have pride and may see it as charity. You say they have never cruised before but you don't say whether they want to. Perhaps they have never cruised before because they can't afford it or it has never appealed to them, so they would only be doing it to please your wife. It really depends on the people.

 

Me personally, see too many areas of conflict so would not do it it unless I was really sure of my wife and her friends responses.[/quote']

 

Personally, that sounds like it's overthinking it too much.

 

Offer it to the friends. If they accept, all's good! What they do as far as upgrading, extras, etc, is entrely up to them.

 

If they can't afford it, or can't accept it, regardless of reason, that's their responsibility to let you know. Regarding them getting feelings hurt, or being too prideful, looking at it as charity? They don't have to accept it. Again, up to them.

 

I think it's quite a generous offer and quite nice of you. Your responsibility to the friends, or their feelings, or their financial wherewithal, begins and ends with your offer.

[beerman2]

Great gesture on your part.

 

I would definately talk to the friends and explain your plan. Let them accept or reject it, or say they would be willing to upgrade.

 

Make sure they are willing to cruise, it's not for everybody. Being a short cruise it will be a party cruise with the free drinks!

 

Hope things work out for you and let us know how it worked out. I'm sure there are others in your situation.

[sanger727]

Hopefully you are good enough friends with them to have that conversation, because I agree that it's slightly awkward. But, I would ask if they prefer an interior near your cabin or an ocean view.... I personally won't sail in an ocean view because I am concerned the low floor cabins will be too noisy, near public areas, crew areas, and engine, so I would prefer a higher deck interior. Although, if they would be willing to pay to upgrade to a balcony, the ocean view to balcony will be less of a price jump. I might phrase it as, you don't have a budget for two balconies but are planning on getting a room with a large balcony so there's room for everyone to enjoy it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

[SheehanDJ]

Hi all,

 

 

Just need the consensus of the experienced group here.

 

Wife's 40th coming up. Decided to do surprise bday cruise and vacation. Her friend and their family recently moved to FL. We are in New England. So I'm planning a 3 day Sky cruise, don't have time off from work and life for any longer than that. I am inviting her friend and husband to join us as I know how much it will mean to my wife.

 

This couple has never cruised before. They have not offered to pay for any portion after I explained the idea and my offer to pay their fare as part of the gift to my wife.

 

Is it socially acceptable and not disrespectful to book them in a oceanview porthole or inside room and for my wife's birthday book either a rear facing suite or large balcony? I will offer the couple their option of paying for the difference to a higher grade room if they wish.

 

I know this has zero to do with NCL but we travel frequently out of NY (hence my screename) but wanted the majority consensus from the group. With Sky the fare will relieve them from all drink costs as well.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Be prepared to pay for everything they put on their sea pass card.

 

Or spell out exactly what you are paying for. Sit them down and tell them you will pay for an ocean view cabin, if they want a balcony or suite it will cost them $x more but they are more than welcome to hang out on your balcony. Tell them how much the drink and meal packages cost if they are interested, if you are going to have a birthday dinner in a paid restuarant offer to pay for that too.

 

If you came to me and said "I'm taking the wife on a cruise, we want you to come with, I'm buying." I might assume you meant for the whole thing.

[Turtles06]

This couple has never cruised before. They have not offered to pay for any portion after I explained the idea and my offer to pay their fare as part of the gift to my wife.

 

 

I don't know if you are saying this because it bothers you or you are just reporting the facts. In any event, and while you are trying to do a nice thing here for your wife, there's a real potential for awkwardness (or worse). Will they expect you to pay for specialty dining, for example? Do you know them well enough that they would not be resentful if you book a suite or something really nice for you and your wife but book them in an OV or inside? What about booking a balcony cabin for each couple?

 

You say they've never cruised before -- I suspect a 3-day cruise on the Sky (with drinks included no less) will be a party/booze cruise. Have you explained that to them?

Edited June 20, 2016 by Turtles06

[SailBreakaway]

Thanks for all the input. I've had a great conversation this morning based on some of your feedback and we're moving forward. Some have asked about my comment about the guests not offering to pay and I think it's intent was misunderstood, please understand that's just explaining the situation to get best feedback from you, I would never offer something such as this and expect any reimbursement or anything in return.

 

Thanks again to all who have provided your input, it truly did help me a bit and to avoid any awkwardness.

 

Keep Calm and Cruise On.... :-)

Edited June 20, 2016 by SailBreakaway

[dijid]

Have you considered that the gesture on your part may actually be a burden to them? You mentioned that their family moved - do they have kids that someone will have to watch during this time? Does one or both of them have to use precious vacation days to celebrate your wife's birthday, rather than spend time with family? Do you expect to pay for their shore excursions, or are you expecting them to pay for it? What about the gratuities? If they've never cruised before, they may not even know about it and be upset if they have to pay (and it could be more than they'd ever expect to pay for a birthday gift for your wife).

 

I think you need to talk about a lot more than telling them you're going to pay for them to get onboard, but they'll have to pony up if they want to be able to enjoy the same suite amenities you'll be getting. (Have you thought about what you'll do if they don't want to upgrade, and you either have to give up some of your perks like priority boarding if you want to be together?)

 

Be careful or this could end up your wife's ex-best friend. I went through a situation where after a move, the parents of one of my daughter's best friends wanted us to come visit and go to an amusement park with them for their daughter's birthday (Since she didn't have any friends in the new area yet). I jumped through hoops to make it happen and at let's just say we don't speak to them anymore.

[cruzsnooze]

I personally would be insulted and not go with you. I probably wouldn't think much of the friendship either. While you enjoy the perks of a suite your friends should stay at bay in an inside or porthole cabin. What it says to me is that they are there for your entertainment, not as equals like friends. If you can't afford to pay for them to sail in the same category as you then you should sail in an outside cabin like them. I recently took a cousin on a cruise for her BD and even paid her gratuity. She had no expenses required but chose to play a little in the casino on her dime.

A gift doesn't come with contingencies.

Edited June 20, 2016 by cruzsnooze

[MapGeek]

If the friends have never cruised before, then they will probably not know anything about different categories of cabins, or what other expenses to expect.

 

I would have an honest conversation with them and explain the above. Make sure everyone has the same expectations going into the cruise so there are no resentments.

 

From my experience on the 3-day Sky cruise, we had an oceanview - we spent zero time in the cabin, and it was just fine for our needs. If you are planning on getting a room with a large balcony for yourselves, then mention that then all of you can hang out together on the balcony.

 

We had zero expenses on our trip (other than I bought a photo) but again, manage expectations with regards to dinners and excursions. If you are expecting them to join you in Atlantis (for example), then mention the cost or say they are free to do their own thing. We ended up exploring Nassau and then returning to the ship for the free drinks and pooltime.

 

Depending on their financial means, they may be happy to pay for some upgrades since they do not have the larger costs to pay for. But just chat with them and be open about what their options are, and avoid any awkwardness. They probably don't even know the right questions to ask, if they've never cruised before.

Edited June 20, 2016 by MapGeek

[NLH Arizona]

 

 

 

Is it socially acceptable and not disrespectful to book them in a oceanview porthole or inside room and for my wife's birthday book either a rear facing suite or large balcony? I will offer the couple their option of paying for the difference to a higher grade room if they wish.

 

Not disrespectful at all. I would book them in an inside cabin and tell them if they want to upgrade, the additional monies are on them.

 

Also, make sure they are aware that they have to put down a credit card to pay for any incidentals they may charge.

Edited June 20, 2016 by NLH Arizona

[4774Papa]

Be prepared to pay for everything they put on their sea pass card.

 

Or spell out exactly what you are paying for. Sit them down and tell them you will pay for an ocean view cabin, if they want a balcony or suite it will cost them $x more but they are more than welcome to hang out on your balcony. Tell them how much the drink and meal packages cost if they are interested, if you are going to have a birthday dinner in a paid restuarant offer to pay for that too.

 

If you came to me and said "I'm taking the wife on a cruise, we want you to come with, I'm buying." I might assume you meant for the whole thing.

 

Great points.

Also, I would book then in an inside cabin (try to find one close to your cabin). If you put up a credit card to cover their tab, put a limit on the amount you are comfortable with.

[Two Wheels Only]

This couple has never cruised before. They have not offered to pay for any portion after I explained the idea and my offer to pay their fare as part of the gift to my wife.

Since they've never cruised before, explain the process (DSC, room types, check-in, on-board spending, fees, etc.)

 

Is it socially acceptable and not disrespectful to book them in a oceanview porthole or inside room and for my wife's birthday book either a rear facing suite or large balcony?

There is no problem with it at all. Inside or ocean-view is just fine for people especially if it cost them $0. :D

 

Non-cruisers won't know how much a cruise ship has to offer. Let them know that the stateroom isn't "everything" and that they can enjoy the ship just fine.

 

I will offer the couple their option of paying for the difference to a higher grade room if they wish.

That would be part of the explanation mentioned above.

 

It's an offer. If they take it, fine. If not, that's fine, too. There should be no hard feelings if they decline (cruising isn't for everyone) and if they accept, they don't owe you anything other than a "thank you".

[dreamin'ofthesea]

Hopefully you are good enough friends with them to have that conversation, because I agree that it's slightly awkward. But, I would ask if they prefer an interior near your cabin or an ocean view.... I personally won't sail in an ocean view because I am concerned the low floor cabins will be too noisy, near public areas, crew areas, and engine, so I would prefer a higher deck interior. Although, if they would be willing to pay to upgrade to a balcony, the ocean view to balcony will be less of a price jump. I might phrase it as, you don't have a budget for two balconies but are planning on getting a room with a large balcony so there's room for everyone to enjoy it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

 

Good suggestion

[dreamin'ofthesea]

I personally would be insulted and not go with you. I probably wouldn't think much of the friendship either. While you enjoy the perks of a suite your friends should stay at bay in an inside or porthole cabin. What it says to me is that they are there for your entertainment, not as equals like friends. If you can't afford to pay for them to sail in the same category as you then you should sail in an outside cabin like them. I recently took a cousin on a cruise for her BD and even paid her gratuity. She had no expenses required but chose to play a little in the casino on her dime.

A gift doesn't come with contingencies.

 

That was my concern too that they may think that so that it really depends on the person. To make clear here. I don't think there is anything wrong with some-one accepting and think its great, or another person not liking someone else paying. Every-one is different and the end result is you want the wife to have a great Birthday, everyone to have a great time and the friendship to be intact at the end.

[dreamin'ofthesea]

Thanks for all the input. I've had a great conversation this morning based on some of your feedback and we're moving forward. Some have asked about my comment about the guests not offering to pay and I think it's intent was misunderstood, please understand that's just explaining the situation to get best feedback from you, I would never offer something such as this and expect any reimbursement or anything in return.

 

Thanks again to all who have provided your input, it truly did help me a bit and to avoid any awkwardness.

 

Keep Calm and Cruise On.... :-)

 

That's great. Hope you all have a great time.

[Newfun4me]

Personally, I think it's an awesome gift for your wife and incredibly generous of you. :) If someone was willing to pay for my cruise in an inside room, I'd be thrilled! If I could afford to upgrade, I would. If I couldn't, I'd be happy as a clam that someone was willing to offer me a cool vacation. Nice job!

[nolatravelgirl]

The 3-day Sky cruise is not a cruise I would bother with getting a suite or even a balcony. The cruise is really just too short as there are no relaxing sea days in which to really enjoy a balcony. I would take the extra money and upgrade to SDP which we thought was money well spent.