Change in "dining culture" on cruise ships!

[DirtyDawg]

We always eat breakfast in the dinning room in order to meet other people as dinning has change over the years. We are not looking to make new friends but I like meeting new people with different experiences and different perspectives. I prefer to meet new people more than Mrs. Dawg does. Neither one of us is right liking to meet new people or not wanting to meet as many new people.

There is no right or wrong. On land if I can't get together with my golfing buddies for a game I will go out as a single and join up with strangers for a round. I get as much of a kick out of meeting the new golfers than I do playing my round. Of course meeting new people any time is a crap shoot. Sometimes you will meet some really boorish/ignorant  people but more often than not I/we have met really interesting people. 

[wcook]

6 minutes ago, DirtyDawg said:

On land if I can't get together with my golfing buddies for a game I will go out as a single and join up with strangers for a round.

Quick tip, if you get paired up with a stranger who makes a bunch of mistakes the first few holes, then starts talking about “making things interesting,” be very very careful. 🙂

Edited July 13, 2022 by wcook

[DirtyDawg]

21 minutes ago, wcook said:

Quick tip, if you get paired up with a stranger who makes a bunch of mistakes the first few holes, then starts talking about “making things interesting,” be very very careful. 🙂

 🤫 Did I tell you what a lousy golfer I am?  😉

 

Edited July 13, 2022 by DirtyDawg

[shipgeeks]

I find it very curious how different a first night MDR dinner feels if I know I probably won't see the other people again, or if I know I'm probably stuck with them, "for better or for worse", for the next xx nights.

I much prefer the second.  We will be set dining people as long as we cruise.

Some of the tablemates who turned out to be the best company were people who, had we had been given their bios beforehand, we would have rejected without question.

On our most recent cruise, we were seated with two young men, 50 years younger than us.  We had fears that they would spend all their time looking at their devices, or not able to converse.  We were wrong!  They were excellent company, smart, funny, polite.  Ideal companions.  Getting to know them over the course of the cruise was a wonderful experience.

 

[wcook]

1 hour ago, DirtyDawg said:

🤫 Did I tell you what a lousy golfer I am?  😉

I (and my soon to be empty wallet) have heard that before. 

[navybankerteacher]

7 hours ago, Hlitner said:

..

The old axiom of not discussing religion or politics is usually good advice although we have had some interesting table discussions on both topics.  

…

 

Lots of topics can be discussed if approached intelligently. The general topics of theology and government are fair game.  The only problem is that it takes objectivity and intelligence to be able to discuss such matters objectively - and not in an effort to “sell” a personal point of view.

 

Sadly, intelligence and objectivity are not always encountered.

[Hlitner]

19 hours ago, cruiseryyc said:

One of the many reasons I no longer cruise!  

Your post is intriguing (to me).  Please come back and post what drove you away from cruising.   When helping folks (who ask for help) who have little cruise experience and look for suggestions, we try to match them with the ship/line that meets their own wants.  If one line does not work for a person there is usually another that will be near perfect.  Recently we have been following a blog about Seabourn and a couple that has a big issue with their dining times (dinner in their MDR does not open until 7pm).  These folks like to dine much earlier.  My response was essentially you either adjust to the ship schedule of you should consider booking a different cruise line.  One reason we enjoy cruising and the cruise industry is because there is such a variety in terms of cruise lines, ships, itineraries, budget, etc.  We can usually find something for anyone with the exception of folks that simply dislike being on the sea (although perhaps they would like a river cruise).

 

Hank

[Host Anne]

Thanks for starting an interesting discussion, Hank.  We've been cruising now for 20 years so our cruising career began with set dining.  We had that for many years.  We do enjoy being seated at tables with others we don't know.  Over the years, we've remained friends with quite a few  and frequently cruise with some.  We began cruising when our daughter was six (she's an only child).  Early on, we were typically seated with other families who had children close to our daughters age.  It enabled us (and her) to meet all types of people from all over the world.  

 

While some large dining tables might have been more enjoyable or memorable than others, I can't think of a time when our table was boring.  We've had a few goofy instances over the years but we simply asked the Maitre 'd for a change (I can only think of twice that this happened and once we were seated at a table for eight by ourselves).

 

In the past several years, we've switched to anytime dining.  We still ask to sit with others, but when late seating went to 8:30 on some ships, it got a bit late for us.  We found that we like the flexibility of sitting in a lounge for pre-dinner drinks a bit longer, or going to see an early show in the theater.  We don't dine at the super busy times of the evening so we've never had long waits with flexible dining but we still prefer dining with others and meeting new people.  

 

I find dining with others often helps put life in perspective sometimes.  We once had a single guest at our table that had Lou Gehrig's disease and he wanted to cruise while it was still possible for him to still get around in his wheelchair.  Our best cruising friends come from the UK and our daughters became friends in the kids club while the parents had just meant in a lounge...

 

So many ships and so many options that people can now choose whatever suits them best.  But I think Shipgeeks said it best in post 31 above!  You never know what surprises cruising has in store for you.

 

Happy cruising!

 

 

[SargassoPirate]

Hank

 

I gave up on the evening MDR for many reasons, the leading one being ambient noise from people shouting their conversations across six and eight tops to the point that She Who Must Be Obeyed and I couldn't have a dinner conversation across a two top. When SWMBO cruises with me, she still insists on the MDR for dinner, but when I cruise solo I eat evening meal in the buffet.  I still enjoy the MDR for breakfasts and lunch.

 

I am not anti-social, just anti loud crowds/venues - whether it be in an over amplified production show or the over amplified Caribbean band on the Melanoma Deck.

 

That being said, I love cruising and there are plenty of areas on any ship where I can find a cup of coffee to watch the sunrise, some food to keep body and soul together, an open shady spot to relax and read a good book, and someplace to find a wee dram or three and some live music in the evening.

 

And a raised glass and a greeting has sparked many a conversation with other passengers.

[cruisemom42]

There have been some thoughtful and interesting posts about the changes in dining. Kudos to Hank for queuing up this topic. As another long-time cruiser (and especially as one who travels solo) I lament the continuing decrease in those interested in sharing a table at dinner. I may eat the occasional meal on my own if I'm tired or had a long day ashore but in general I prefer to share with others. 

 

Reading some of these posts, I wonder if the ever-increasing size of ships had inadvertently led to a number of the unfavorable reasons given for sharing a table. 

 

For example, someone posted above (with regard to fixed vs. anytime dining) that it is a different experience sharing a table with others when you don't think you'll ever see them again.  Well, "back in the day" before ships got so huge, you had every chance of running into the same people onboard time and again, whether you had a fixed dining time with them or just met once at a shared table. On the 350 passenger Aegean Odyssey, for example, the people seated in front of you in the show lounge were likely the ones who were next to you in the buffet line in the morning, shared the same shuttle with you, and so on.  

 

I think this very closeness tended to make people friendlier, not to mention discouraging any bad behavior (e.g., cutting in line, etc.) because people couldn't be anonymous.

 

Another thought is about the timing of dining. As ships have gotten larger and dining rooms have to host multiple timed seatings, the timing is a bit out of hand for many of us. I don't want to dine at 5:15 every night, but neither do I want to sit down to dinner at 8:45.  This has the net effect of discouraging some who might be "on the fence" about trying fixed dining with shared tables.

 

Finally, I just want to point out that -- based on some of the responses -- it seems to me that a number of cruisers don't realize that you can still share a table with others even if not participating in set dining times. All you have to do is indicate to the hotel manager or whoever is seating you that you are willing to share a table. There is no commitment. You can do it just once and see how it goes, or do it for a couple of nights for variety, or for the whole cruise. 

 

Other than NCL, which seems to aggressively favor NOT sharing a table, most lines have a fair number of folks looking to share. In general, that means they want to meet others and are interested in conversation, so you're unlikely to be paired with a lump of clay. 

 

I've almost always shared tables, either at fixed dining or at anytime dining (more frequently the latter in the last decade) and if you are open-minded, you can have an interesting conversation with just about anyone who shares the same language.  I've sat with people more than twice my age, with couples, with other solo travelers, with people from all over the world and those with vastly different viewpoints from mine. I can only think of one or two borderline experiences to set against a very high number of pleasant dinners.

 

 

[navybankerteacher]

6 minutes ago, cruisemom42 said:

…

 

Reading some of these posts, I wonder if the ever-increasing size of ships had inadvertently led to a number of the unfavorable reasons given for sharing a table. 

 

 

 

I think this very closeness tended to make people friendlier, not to mention discouraging any bad behavior (e.g., cutting in line, etc.) because people couldn't be anonymous.

 

…

 

 

Excellent observation: the sense of anonymity which seems to come with larger groups probably does contribute to “carelessness” in dealing with others when there is a feeling that you are not likely to encounter them again;  while being in a smaller group encourages interaction.

 

Probably why I have a growing preference for smaller ships - and a close to complete avoidance of larger (more than 2,000 passenger) ships.

[Honolulu Blue]

Thanks, Hank, for starting this topic.  It's been interesting to read all the replies.

 

I could write a very long response, but I'll just go with this - if I were forced to cruise on ships with set time dining where I had to be placed at large tables, it is likely I would not have started cruising at all.  I would certainly have done many fewer of them.  

[Keksie]

We were really pleased when MTD started.  While we didn't mind sharing a table with others  (we did meet one very interesting couple and loved hearing their stories each night) the other tablemates were interesting in a whole different way.  The main reason was that early dining was too early and it seemed we just finished lunch while late dining seemed like it ended just before bed.  We have found that MTD is just like sharing a table since the two tops are so close together, however you don't feel the need to interact if you don't want to and you can eat whenever you get hungry.  

[K32682]

My business often requires me to make conversation with people I don't know. I've know how to initiate a dialogue, how to end one politely and am alert to the signs that the conversation has gone on long enough. 

 

As a result, while on a cruise I have little interest in being the source of spirited dinner conversation for a complete stranger who fate has deposited at the same table. Nor do I wish to be "coaxed out of my shell" by an intrusive and overbearing busybody who insists everyone participate in a conversation on the subject of their choosing. Taciturnity is not a sin. 

 

The changes in "dining culture" are for the better. Anytime dining and two-top tables have made cruising more appealing. I can sit with the person(s) of my choice and not have to be exposed to the tedium and occasional irritation caused by conversations and individuals that are of no interest to me. 

 

 

Edited July 14, 2022 by K32682

[weltek]

22 hours ago, Aquahound said:

We prefer a 2-top, not because we are afraid or don't know how to be social.  We prefer it because we reserve that time to just enjoy one another.  We spend all day and most of the evenings meeting people, talking, enjoying drinks, participating in games, etc.  

Same here. My conversational skills are a-ok. We started cruising in 2000 when shared-dining was still a thing for both lunch and dinner. 75% of the time we enjoyed our tablemates. 25% of the time we did not and spent half the meal annoyed. So, we always dreaded it a bit. I probably would've stopped cruising if things wouldn't have changed.

On mass market lines, the casual nature of things means a handful of people seem more likely to come to dinner loud and drunk, so not something I want to roll the dice with. And the current political climate means some people are quick to say provocative things without regard for how their conversation mates may feel or what they may believe. It happens all the time in bars when we talk to strangers, but there I can easily get up and leave. During lunch or dinner, it's not so easy.

That's why I enjoy Cruise Critic Meet & Greets/Mingles. I can mingle and converse with a diverse group of people, but I'm not locked in. And on NCL, we sometimes sign up for Dinner with an Officer where it's us and usually another couple or two. We tend to have a very nice time as everyone is on good behavior. 🙂

 

And during a cruise, every dinner out is a romantic date night for us! 

Another societal change is that now we are so easily able to connect with others who are distant or different from us. Back in the 70s and 80s, vacations were one of the few ways to really understand people from a different area and vacations were more rare for families. Now we have the internet, lounging at the bar is more common for women, and vacations are much more frequent. Dinner with strangers isn't the provocative "draw" it used to be.

And people's ability/cultural willingness to chew with their mouth closed is way too infrequent for my liking. I have misophonia and let me tell you, it makes me miserably intolerant.

Edited July 14, 2022 by weltek

[cruiseryyc]

3 hours ago, Hlitner said:

Your post is intriguing (to me).  Please come back and post what drove you away from cruising.   When helping folks (who ask for help) who have little cruise experience and look for suggestions, we try to match them with the ship/line that meets their own wants.  If one line does not work for a person there is usually another that will be near perfect.  Recently we have been following a blog about Seabourn and a couple that has a big issue with their dining times (dinner in their MDR does not open until 7pm).  These folks like to dine much earlier.  My response was essentially you either adjust to the ship schedule of you should consider booking a different cruise line.  One reason we enjoy cruising and the cruise industry is because there is such a variety in terms of cruise lines, ships, itineraries, budget, etc.  We can usually find something for anyone with the exception of folks that simply dislike being on the sea (although perhaps they would like a river cruise).

 

Hank

I cruised in the mid 80's to mid 90's and thoroughly enjoyed it; including traditional dining.  However once the ships became basically amusement parks on water with over 2000 passengers onboard, it was no longer enjoyable for those of us who wanted to sit and watch the ocean go by. Now with the number of passengers onboard I can't begin to imagine what its like and have no desire to find out.

 

I have taken a couple of European river cruises and enjoyed them, but my long distance travel days are over.

[weltek]

17 hours ago, DirtyDawg said:

We always eat breakfast in the dinning room in order to meet other people as dinning has change over the years. We are not looking to make new friends but I like meeting new people with different experiences and different perspectives. 

Breakfast is probably the only meal where I wouldn't mind rolling the dice and getting seated with others. The crowd tends to be pretty sedate and it's a quick meal that I can shorten gracefully if I'm not enjoying my tablemates.

[cruiseny4life]

Thanks for asking this @Hlitner! Thus far I have been on two cruises. My husband and I have a third (his second) booked in August. 

 

The first cruise was with my grandmother and three friends from college. She (the grandma) refused to go to the dining room as she did not want to converse with anyone she didn't know. I did go to the dining room one evening and felt awkward dining with a couple and their child. I refused to go again, partially due to this, and partially due to formal nights. I would have loved to have had the lobster, but I sure didn't want to put a suit on that I didn't pack. You'll notice there is a trend in my life of not dressing up on vacation. 

 

Regardless, my friends said the food was fine in the MDR. On that cruise I enjoyed the buffet, free room service (this was long before cruise ships began charging for room service), pizza, and burgers. My friends seemed to be ok sharing a table with the random people from one of the two Carolinas (this was a few years ago, so I don't remember which). 

 

My husband and I are both Millennials - both of us grew up having family dinner time every night of the week. He still insists on us eating together at the table and I suppose if we adopt a child, we'll be that one family in school that has evening meal time. Can you tell I'm a little opposed to eating together at the table? It's just too old school for me.

 

Now that we've decided on NCL, I don't have to worry about being placed with others. My husband doesn't want this either which surprises me as he is far more of an extroverted person than I am. We just don't have a hankering to interact with others when we're on vacation. Personally, I have to talk to too many people when I'm in my normal life - thankfully NCL makes it extremely easy for me to not talk to others. 

 

A poster above said that cruising is all about "socializing." Sorry, but I wholeheartedly disagree - it's about relaxing and being with whom you want. Definitely my view and I respect that you want to socialize, just please don't coax me out of my shyness. 

[cruiseny4life]

53 minutes ago, K32682 said:

My business often requires me to make conversation with people I don't know. I've know how to initiate a dialogue, how to end one politely and am alert to the signs that the conversation has gone on long enough. 

 

As a result, while on a cruise I have little interest in being the source of spirited dinner conversation for a complete stranger who fate has deposited at the same table. Nor do I wish to be "coaxed out of my shell" by an intrusive and overbearing busybody who insists everyone participate in a conversation on the subject of their choosing. Taciturnity is not a sin. 

 

The changes in "dining culture" are for the better. Anytime dining and two-top tables have made cruising more appealing. I can sit with the person(s) of my choice and not have to be exposed to the tedium and occasional irritation caused by conversations and individuals that are of no interest to me. 

 

 

Ugh....you said what I wanted to say so eloquently using far fewer words! Thank you!

[Top_of_the_Cube]

We have always done set dining time with almost always a twelve-top.  My wife is very conversational, and the most introverted folks at our tables really take to her.  We end up having a wonderful dinner time.

 

The almost has to do with one cruise where the only table available was a two-top.  My wife was very upset and cried.  Not sure how I should take that.

[XBGuy]

@Hlitner I very much enjoyed reading your posts above.  There are some parallels between your life story and mine.  Our family had dinner together every night when Dad returned from work.  My wife grew up in a similar environment.

 

We haven't cruised nearly as much as you, but we do go back to the 1970s.  Our first cruise was in 1976.  Of course that first cruise had only the traditional fixed-time fixed-seating dining arrangement,  When we booked the cruise, the travel agent asked what kind of table we wanted.  This question confused me, but my soon-to-wife as all over it, "Table for two."

 

On embarkation day--pretty cool being handed a glass of Champagne as we checked in on stepping aboard--Mrs. XBGuy insisted that we go to the dining room and verify that we were seated at a two-top.  I thought this was silly.  "Of course we're at a table for two.  That is how the travel agent set it up."  I was, of course, a beginning husband then, but was soon to learn that there is no upside to digging my feet in on trivial little things like this.  We went to the dining room and found that all was good.  We had been assigned a table for two, and our love affair with cruising began.

 

Yes, I agree that we are not the most sociable people in the world.  However, we enjoy cruising as much as you do because we can find our comfort level on any cruise.

[LittleMissMagic]

When I was a kid/teen cruising with my parents, I always looked forward to tablemates. We would actually request a larger table, and I'd be kind of bummed if we ended up with a table with just the four of us. I wasn't the type of kid to go out of my way to introduce myself to a stranger, so the interaction of sharing dinner with people who I never met before sort of forced me to be more social. Also, tablemates made dinners more interesting. Hearing new stories from new people was entertaining. We've met up with past tablemates post-cruise. My parents still exchange Christmas cards with some of our past tablemates. On one cruise, our tablemates from a cruise years prior recognized us on the first day, sailing on a different cruiseline, and we were able to reconnect (it was NCL, and we actually chose to dine together).

I guess I may not have noticed a larger change of table-sharing behavior in the industry (or the infrastructure - many newer ships have more 4-tops and 2-tops than sharable 8-tops) because I associate my recent gravitation toward not sharing a larger table as a lifestyle change.

Now that I'm an adult living on the opposite side of the country from my parents and sister, I prefer to share a dining room table with only my family. Cruises are an opportunity for us to spend time together and catch up. I'm happy to meet and engage with other passengers, but for me, my cruise "goals" have shifted from making new friends to reconnecting and sharing quality time with my family.

[Mike981]

On 7/13/2022 at 11:47 AM, SimplyMarvie said:

 

I'm in my 40s, and I think my generation was under-parented and didn't really learn the social graces of easy conversation with others that my parents and their parents had -- we were too busy being latch-key kids and left to our own devices. I had to teach myself in my 30s, because my job required it. Our generation's kids certainly struggle with that, especially if their parents don't have the skills to teach them, although they seem to make instant friends with one another easily enough.

 

Sadly you are correct. Having watched grand parents, parents and the children over the past 30 years because of my wife's in-home daycare, I can affirm that we are moving in a negative direction. Generation after generation is getting worse. I saw someone post here on CC years ago not wanting to travel where there are feral children around and I thought it was harsh, but it sure seems to be going that way. 

[navybankerteacher]

It’s not just the “dining culture which has changed on cruise ships in recent years.  Anyone who cruised more than 20 years ago (whose memory still works) is aware that the entire experience has evolved radically.

[mom says]

If I go to a restaurant on land I'm not expected to share a table  (OK,  the German beer gardens are an exception). The same goes if I'm at a land resort. So why should that be an expectation on a ship? For those who want it, then that option is there for them, unless they are on NCL. Enjoy your revisit of the "good old days". For those who don't revel in the idea of forced dining and conversation with total strangers, they can enjoy their meals their way.

 

We began our cruising in the days of fixed dining and while it wasn't terrible, it wasn't particularly enjoyable either. We are both perfectly capable of carrying on a conversation, but prefer to choose where, when, and with whom we do that.  Some nights we dine at a 2 top. Some nights we dine with others we have met on the ship. Options are a good thing, even if you think society is going to hell in a handbasket.