Neighbors and friends on vacation..sometimes a problem?

[tbmrt]

We've traveled with friends a few times and usually just do our own thing. Check in with each other at a certain bar at a certain time before going to My Time Dining. If any of us decide not to do dinner that night together we usually put a message out or phone. May try to coordinate meeting later at a nightclub, etc. No commitments though. We may do some excursions together, but usually go by ourselves due to varying interests.

 

That method has worked successfully for all.

 

My problem is that some of our friends love to do everything together and want to cruise with us.

 

We tell them beforehand that we like our freedom to be spontaneous on vacation and they say, sure we like that do. This doesn't seem to work well though. Still feel pressured to "be together" too frequently, spend too much time sitting around talking, walking around too slowly, waiting for others, not being able to make last minute changes to our plans, etc.

 

Does anyone else experience this situation? How do you deal with this? I find myself not telling people about my upcoming cruises for fear of their wanting to join us.

[micmacmissy]

I agree- you have to be certain that you are with "vacation compatible" friends! We went with friends on a cruise...but these are people we've done land vacations with before, and there are no hurt feelings on either end when one couple wants to go their own way. We meet up for dinner and drinks every night...sometimes the ladies split off, sometimes the men...it's all good and easy breezy.

 

Another couple keeps asking to go on a European cruise - but we defer, because they are the type who stick to you 24/7 and would be insulted if we suggested a dinner for 2. We love them, but not round the clock for 10 days in a row. ;)

 

I don't know about you, but my vacations are too rare and expensive to chance mismatched travel companions!

 

Edited to add: and YES, by all means keep your plans on the down-low. Then right before the trip when they hear about it, you can feign ignorance: "Oh, we didn't TELL you we were going? Jeez, I thought we had. Yes, we're really looking forward to it, although we're apprehensive now because the ship is sold out and we're worried about the crowds..." ;) ;) :)

Edited May 14, 2016 by micmacmissy

[papaflamingo]

What micmacmissy said.

We almost always cruise with a group from 4-10 of us. BUT it's understood that we are free to do as we wish. We are also very compatible. But occasionally it causes "moments." We simply don't worry about the "moments." It's YOUR vacation. You need to be able to be comfortable doing what YOU want.

We did a HUGE cruise years ago (14 of us). Problem was 14 couldn't sit at one table. So we ended up with two tables, 8 and 6. At first we were going to switch every night and mix up seating. Then one couple (fairly high maintenance) refused. She said "the waiters get used to who you are so you can't switch seats, it confuses them." Truth is she had the seat she wanted at the table she wanted... so... no more switching. So, we had the "main table" and the "lifeboat table." Yes, feelings were hurt. I decided, for me, that I would have a rule "never go on a cruise with more people than can fit at one table." Since then the group we go with is very cohesive. We all get that there are times we may want to be on our own. Last year we had a group of 8. 4 of us did Chef's Table, 4 didn't. In March, there were 6 of us. 4 did Chef's Table, 2 didn't. Some of our group are D+, some aren't. We go to the Lounge for a drink of two then meet the others either for a quick drink at a bar or at dinner. It's all just understood.

My suggestion is that if you really don't want to cruise with someone, don't. If this will cause a riff in your friendship, then bite the bullet and take them, but make a deal early on that you are free to do as you wish and you'll meet for drinks and dinner. That's what we do.

Tough situation though with needy people.

[dani negreanu]

We have many friends, but not many are "compatible" to cruising.

 

We "advertise" at the last moment....

 

And, when a couple or two decide to join us, we make it clear that we'll meet only for dinner, unless we share with them a private excursion.

 

Luckily, I'm the only one in our group on Cruise Critic :)

[WrittenOnYourHeart]

What micmacmissy said.

We almost always cruise with a group from 4-10 of us. BUT it's understood that we are free to do as we wish. We are also very compatible. But occasionally it causes "moments." We simply don't worry about the "moments." It's YOUR vacation. You need to be able to be comfortable doing what YOU want.

We did a HUGE cruise years ago (14 of us). Problem was 14 couldn't sit at one table. So we ended up with two tables, 8 and 6. At first we were going to switch every night and mix up seating. Then one couple (fairly high maintenance) refused. She said "the waiters get used to who you are so you can't switch seats, it confuses them." Truth is she had the seat she wanted at the table she wanted... so... no more switching. So, we had the "main table" and the "lifeboat table." Yes, feelings were hurt. I decided, for me, that I would have a rule "never go on a cruise with more people than can fit at one table." Since then the group we go with is very cohesive. We all get that there are times we may want to be on our own. Last year we had a group of 8. 4 of us did Chef's Table, 4 didn't. In March, there were 6 of us. 4 did Chef's Table, 2 didn't. Some of our group are D+, some aren't. We go to the Lounge for a drink of two then meet the others either for a quick drink at a bar or at dinner. It's all just understood.

My suggestion is that if you really don't want to cruise with someone, don't. If this will cause a riff in your friendship, then bite the bullet and take them, but make a deal early on that you are free to do as you wish and you'll meet for drinks and dinner. That's what we do.

Tough situation though with needy people.

 

One possible solution for the table thing IF you're ever in a large group again (or for others who are in the situation), though it would likely require a fixed dining time, is to contact dining services to request that those two (or more) tables be assigned to the same section, thus ensuring that both tables have the same server and assistant server and negating the "But the servers know us now" whining and revealing the true reason for not wanting to change early on.

[lhanson38]

We often travel with a large group. One year there was 27 of us and yes we switched tables every night I think we had 5 or 6 tables. Our waiters were fine and well taken care for doing this with no fuss. Dinner is the only time we do the group thing. Once in awhile we do things together but only if we want to. Two years ago we did a TA and there were only 8 of us. We seemed to spend more time together on that cruise I think it was because it was a TA. This year there is only 4 of us We travel really well with each other. I'm sure we will do a lot together in Barcelona we will be there for 6 days friends are flying in the day after us. My DH and I are really excited to spend that first day and night alone . But I do think you have to make it clear to people that you will not be joined at the hip.

[CanadaRob]

Agree with most of comments and/or suggestions.

I'm a huge planner normally but with our non cruise friends who really want to go with us I made it crystal crystal clear that it was THEIR vacation to and it was up to them to book anything that they wanted to do, even if they wanted to do the EXACT same thing as us.

Much preferred the meet up at dinner approach, problem for us is we don't have a lot of cruise friends (except for all of you :))

Edited May 14, 2016 by CanadaRob

[Desert Cruizers]

tbmrt, everyone needs what I refer to as our Downtime, where you wish to do things alone. We haven't cruised with a large group as you have, perhaps you could not convey all your plans or make it clear you really wish to do this Tour etc by yourself. We will be with a large group next July and the one couple say they plan to move around, I believe my husband & I will stay at the table we are assigned with.

[Luvmypups]

Totally agree with OP and others, we prefer to cruise alone for the freedom. No matter what you do or say, when you cruise with others, I still feel like I have to be too accommodating.

 

 

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[LA_CA_GAL]

I have cruised with large groups a number of times.

 

I have never had any such problems as I must be so annoying no one really wants to associate with me.

 

I must be blessed.

[nolimits]

I have the friends that only want to do what I want to do and Planned.

Tour guides and Vacation planners get PAid LOL. But we all do have fun and that's what counts.The nice thing is the ships are all big enough You can hide if need Be.

[molsonschooner]

We have cruised with a fairly large family group. Right from the early planning everyone knew they were on their own to do their own thing. We did plan on dinning together as much as possible but if someone booked a specialty restaurant one night that was fine. We did manage to meet up for pre dinner cocktails most nights, but it was always "we will be here, join us if you like". As for excursions, everyone talked about what they wanted to do, if others were interested, that was fine. If not, that was fine also.

[OCruisers]

I agree- you have to be certain that you are with "vacation compatible" friends! [/b] ;) ;) :)

 

Have to agree. Some friends are more "vacation compatible" than others.

LuLu

[Paulette3028]

Have to agree. Some friends are more "vacation compatible" than others.

LuLu

 

I have actually said to my husband.....I will NEVER go on a vacation with 'so and so'.....because I believe they fall into the NON-compatible on vacation type. But some friends I would love to vacation with on a cruise.....one rule and one rule only....we meet for dinner for sure....and if anything else works out, that is EXTRA.

 

When we have sailed with friends in the past, it has worked out well.

[Merion_Mom]

I have cruised with large groups a number of times.

 

I have never had any such problems as I must be so annoying no one really wants to associate with me.

 

I must be blessed.

 

[Alohaaloha]

Our problem is friends we have made on the cruise and kept in contact with afterwards, wanting to do another cruise with us. Although we've thoroughly enjoyed their company in the evenings or in the MDR, we have still had most days to ourselves. So the thought of booking a cruise with very new friends, who really don't know us very well, is something I wouldn't like to pursue really.

 

 

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[luv2cruise523]

Totally agree with OP and others, we prefer to cruise alone for the freedom. No matter what you do or say, when you cruise with others, I still feel like I have to be too accommodating.

 

 

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I agree!

[BND]

We prefer to cruise alone but we have cruised with three different couple friends in the past at least a couple of times each. Our rule is that we won't cruise with anyone who wants to be connected at the hip. We usually are on our own most of the day, maybe run into and speak to friends, but otherwise, meet up prior to dinner for drinks and then dinner together. Occasionally we will go to shows together, and might do one excursion with them, but otherwise, it's not a vacation to me if I have to get a consensus on what to do. Our next 5 booked cruises we are currently booked alone, although friends have said they might book one of them with us. We didn't invite them and we'll see what happens. DH and I enjoy each others company and love to meet new people which is harder to do when you are cruising with friends. We love our friends, but spending 7-10 days together isn't our idea of a vacation.

Edited May 14, 2016 by BND

[kalliekae]

We cruised with friends one time and we all made a pact that we would not be joined at the hip for everything. It worked out nicely. We had dinner together 5 of the 7 nights and we sometimes did the same excursions. If we met for lunch, it was because we just happened to see one another in the WJ. While we enjoyed going with them, it was their first cruise and the husband did not particularly enjoy cruising so it was sadly our last cruise with them.

 

What I would really enjoy doing is a family cruise with my cousins, but it's hard to get everyone's schedule the same. Maybe when we're all retired, it will happen.

[cruiseguy1016]

DW and I have cruised with friends/family many times. In fact, we are usually part of a group of 4 or 5 couples when we cruise. We are a very close group of friends that do many other things together. For cruises, this is what we have always done and it has worked out great for us. We treat this as everybody's own vacation, we just happen to be on the same ship going to the same ports. First, we link our reservations so that we all eat dinner together. Dinner is our ONLY pre-planned activity together.

 

When we first get on the ship we find an area on the pool deck (or the deck above it) and this becomes "our spot". If you want to meet up with the group, that's where everyone can usually be found. If someone feels like lying in the sun, that's where they go. Odds are, there will be other people from the group there. If you want to be by yourself, you simply find another spot and hang out there. No one will bother you if you aren't in "our spot".

 

Shore excursions: Most groups of people don't always want to do the same activities. We understand this and plan our shore excursions accordingly. We usually get together before the cruise for a pre cruise party. We talk about the shore excursions available at the various ports. Everybody picks their own. If we all want to do the same thing, we all book it. If one couple wants to do "A" and another couple wants to do "B" then we book different excursions. Nobody is forced (or feels obligated) to do something with the group. We all do our own thing and everybody is happy. Then, at dinner, we say "What did you do today? How was it?"

 

Another thing we do is pick a different bar for a pre dinner drink every night. We spread the word to everyone at "our spot". If someone isn't there, we'll call and leave a message on their phone informing them what bar we'll be at. Most people show up for a drink, some don't. It's no big deal. It's their vacation, they can do what they want.

 

After dinner most of us go to the show. Then we'll find something to do afterward. Some will hang out at the Schooner bar, some will hit the casino, and some will find a place to dance. If everyone ends up doing the same thing, great! If not, we know that people are doing the things that THEY WANT to do.

 

The key is to not make this a big, group event. Too many people with too many different opinions makes it very hard to please everyone all the time. Don't force people to follow you everywhere and just as important, don't LET someone follow you everywhere. First time cruisers will want to latch on to the experienced cruisers. Don't let it happen. Encourage them to venture out and do things on their own.

[Paulette3028]

Our problem is friends we have made on the cruise and kept in contact with afterwards, wanting to do another cruise with us. Although we've thoroughly enjoyed their company in the evenings or in the MDR, we have still had most days to ourselves. So the thought of booking a cruise with very new friends, who really don't know us very well, is something I wouldn't like to pursue really.

 

 

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We have met people on cruises we would love to cruise with again.....just can't get the schedules to align properly......I am sure it will happen.

[geonurse]

We often travel with a large group. One year there was 27 of us and yes we switched tables every night I think we had 5 or 6 tables. Our waiters were fine and well taken care for doing this with no fuss. Dinner is the only time we do the group thing. Once in awhile we do things together but only if we want to. Two years ago we did a TA and there were only 8 of us. We seemed to spend more time together on that cruise I think it was because it was a TA. This year there is only 4 of us We travel really well with each other. I'm sure we will do a lot together in Barcelona we will be there for 6 days friends are flying in the day after us. My DH and I are really excited to spend that first day and night alone . But I do think you have to make it clear to people that you will not be joined at the hip.

I'm fairly new to CC, but still don't seem to know what a TA is?! Trip abroad? Travel Agent?

Could anyone help

[BND]

I'm fairly new to CC, but still don't seem to know what a TA is?! Trip abroad? Travel Agent?

Could anyone help

 

Trans Atlantic.

[OCruisers]

I'm fairly new to CC, but still don't seem to know what a TA is?! Trip abroad? Travel Agent?

Could anyone help

 

It can mean either Transatlantic or Travel Agent. :)

[retird]

OP, if your friends are on Facebook, after they read this thread , your problems will be solved lol..