Crew does nothing to stop bad behavior

[bEwAbG]

I was at everyone's favorite big-box store a few weeks ago and watched a lady without anything in her hands snake her way past people waiting in a rather long line to get through a gap to fan out to the individual register lines. She squeezed right past me, though I ended up right behind her in a line. She kept texting on her phone and looking around. Lo and behold, another couple showed up with their full cart five minutes later, expecting to cut in front of everyone else. I asked if they were really going to step in front of the dozens of people behind us and all three started carrying on about how rude I was. They were acting like I was the crazy one for calling them out on it. Others started jeering them, and they sheepishly slunk back to the back, trying to garner sympathy with others along the way. It didn't appear anyone was buying it. I said to the guy in front of me that I didn't think I was being rude, and he said that he thought I was too nice about it. The lady behind me thanked me for saying something because she was silently fuming. Apparently, some jerks can still be shamed. Situational, of course. In the OP's instance, I probably would have reported it to someone at a higher pay grade as a potential security concern (unstable person). It's the staff's job to defuse situations in the moment, so it would have not been entirely appropriate for them to say anything to the jerk as it was happening. I actually probably would have left the restaurant and let the maitre d' know that the confrontation was the reason why I was leaving.

[Wiltonian]

In a wet Norwegian port, the queue for passing through the port terminal back to the ship got longer and longer. People started jumping the queue, until I and two other large gentlemen stood blocking the overtaking lane with arms folded, doing a poor imitation of a club bouncer/door man. It worked, but shouldn’t have been necessary.

[Priya2]

I'm surprised by some of the answers. These tough folks, "I'd put him in his place, etc.". Really? At dinner on a ship? Who cares. It's not that important. There's a time and place for everything. Sometimes the adult thing is to just look the other way - you don't always have to tell people when they are behaving badly.

 

Remember, when he wakes up, he's still himself. He can't get away from being a jerk. We have a choice.......

I agree completely. All the macho talk on this thread is all very well and fine. Of course the man concerned was behaving in an obnoxious way, but I doubt anyone (other guests or staff) would want some macho person aggressively confronting the man and making even more of a scene!

[Priya2]

I am comforted by the study that found that 97.3% of internet 'tough guys' would never actually do the things they talk about online.

That would be my guess! Keyboard warriors 😉

[keithm]

I don’t see how name calling of a complete stranger is any less rude that what he did.

 

 

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It's called putting someone in their place. If you wish to always turn the cheek, that's your choice, but I hope you don't mind the calluses.

[keithm]

I would have probably sat down in the open chair and told him that I'm sure we will have an enjoyable dinner together. Being a woman, I doubt he would have done anything other than get up.

Being a woman, I certainly hope you're right, but these days one never knows what someone else will do. Though if he physically pushed you around I have the feeling the other men in the rest. would have "handled" him quite well.

[warmwinds]

I think this is an extension of not doing anything about chair hogs, line cutters, etc. - Celebrity chooses their battles - if you are smoking you will be stopped, if you are being abusive or violent, you will be stopped, but if you're an ass...we look the other way.

[sanger727]

It's called putting someone in their place. If you wish to always turn the cheek, that's your choice, but I hope you don't mind the calluses.

 

 

 

Two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s not your place to put someone else in theirs.

 

 

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[MizDemeanor]

Actions have consequences. Sometimes' date=' those consequences are unplanned, unintended, and unexpected.[/quote']

 

That's the TRUTH.

[Duanerice1]

Someone else mentioned it earlier. Not all jerks are real jreks, some have health issues.

 

My Mother and Father in law were on a cruise (they had sailed 100's of nights). Well my Father in law was in the early stages of dementia. They were in the buffet and he went to get some cheese. Well he didn't come back in a timely manner so my Mother in law went looking for him. She found him, he was berating another table saying that was his table and why were they sitting in his seat.

 

So if you didn't know, you'd think he was a jerk. We was a nice man with health issues. Needless to say my Mother in law kept an eye on him after that.

[MizDemeanor]

Someone else mentioned it earlier. Not all jerks are real jreks, some have health issues.

 

My Mother and Father in law were on a cruise (they had sailed 100's of nights). Well my Father in law was in the early stages of dementia. They were in the buffet and he went to get some cheese. Well he didn't come back in a timely manner so my Mother in law went looking for him. She found him, he was berating another table saying that was his table and why were they sitting in his seat.

 

So if you didn't know, you'd think he was a jerk. We was a nice man with health issues. Needless to say my Mother in law kept an eye on him after that.

 

Awwww.....

[GottaKnowWhen]

Someone else mentioned it earlier. Not all jerks are real jreks, some have health issues.

 

My Mother and Father in law were on a cruise (they had sailed 100's of nights). Well my Father in law was in the early stages of dementia. They were in the buffet and he went to get some cheese. Well he didn't come back in a timely manner so my Mother in law went looking for him. She found him, he was berating another table saying that was his table and why were they sitting in his seat.

 

So if you didn't know, you'd think he was a jerk. We was a nice man with health issues. Needless to say my Mother in law kept an eye on him after that.

So I’m standing in line waiting for the special omelet I ordered, about to receive my breakfast. An older guy (I’m then early 70’s, so older is really Old!) comes up and takes my omelet from the server! A little back and forth, his caretaker eventually came and got him and led him, and my breakfast, to his table. A jerk? No. But I do fault the caregivers who were letting him wander around on his own. We seriously considered taking my mother in law, with dementia, on a cruise with us. And we knew that the only way would be to have extra help and to constantly pay close attention and would have gladly done that if she had wanted to go on such a trip. “Oh he has dementia” is no excuse, it is just a reminder that the caregiver(s) are failing in their responsibilities. Just as “he is only a child” is no excuse, just a reflection on poor parenting.

[bengaltiger1]

Why would it have been confrontational for the member of staff to say, “Excuse me Sir, but this table is taken”?

 

 

 

 

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[Toofarfromthesea]

Two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s not your place to put someone else in theirs.

 

 

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Don't worry, these internet tough guys don't do 2% of the things they bluster about here.

[yorky]

Modern “look after number one” world we now live in, hence when people talk of standards dropping on cruise lines it’s more about the standards of some cruisers these days. I don’t expect the staff to jump in and try and educate individuals who will never change, sunbed hoggers being a good example of modern behaviour. Resorting to violence just a case of dropping our own standards to match the poor behaviour of others.

So how do you change things like this ? Frankly you can’t because society has moved in this direction and won’t be moving back anytime soon.

[davidk800]

What an absolutely fascinating thread, you only have to read the various posts from people to realise peoples differing views and opinions of how to deal with perceived bad behaviour. The various response from,give as good as you get to turn a blind eye shows how people can and cannot deal with each other.

 

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[chemmo]

Later I did ask the maitre'd if he reserved the table and he said they do not reserve tables in the Luminae. He told the man he could/would not hold the table. He was always the 1st in line every day including the last morning for breakfast. The maitre'd tried to sit us next to them one evening and we politely asked for another table, staring at the man while asking;).

 

I was the poster who much earlier in this thread suggested that the man may have had a mental health issue.....It was the above follow up comment that made me think this. It is not usual for most of us to have a fixation on a specific table. Perhaps to want a window table or a more private area of the restaurant, yes, but a specific table no....

 

Further posts showing intolerance by others to guests with dementia I just find so sad....Families trying to give their loved ones some quality of life by taking them on a cruise deserve commendation and support not criticism for not being good carers.

 

Having spent nearly 40 years working with children with a wide range of emotional, behavioural and physical disabilities it was always the parents of the children who ‘looked perfect’ and in initial conversation appeared fine that struggled the most to enable their children to access the community. As others could not see the child’s challenges they were often intolerant when the child shouted, cried frantically or behaved in some other bizarre manner. Children with behavioural and emotion difficulties grow into adults, often with their challenges very near the surface....

 

Well, just as I would never question what seems to be a perfectly able person using a disabled toilet because I can not necessarily see their disability, I hope I can also remember that some of the adults I encounter may also have ‘unseen’ issues.....

 

I am not making excuses for bad manners and selfishness but I am saying a cruise ship is a mini community with fellow guests who may have problems. If someone’s behaviour was overall impacting my cruise vacation I would report it to management and try to work with them to resolve the issue. I wouldn’t loose sleep about a specific table, worry about another guest taking my omelette or hogging a deck chair!

[John182]

"Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, remove oneself from the unacceptable"

 

No way that you are ever going to change anybody that ignorant so I would have just walked away and made a point of avoiding him at all times.

[keithm]

I was the poster who much earlier in this thread suggested that the man may have had a mental health issue.....It was the above follow up comment that made me think this. It is not usual for most of us to have a fixation on a specific table. Perhaps to want a window table or a more private area of the restaurant, yes, but a specific table no....

 

Further posts showing intolerance by others to guests with dementia I just find so sad....Families trying to give their loved ones some quality of life by taking them on a cruise deserve commendation and support not criticism for not being good carers.

 

Having spent nearly 40 years working with children with a wide range of emotional, behavioural and physical disabilities it was always the parents of the children who ‘looked perfect’ and in initial conversation appeared fine that struggled the most to enable their children to access the community. As others could not see the child’s challenges they were often intolerant when the child shouted, cried frantically or behaved in some other bizarre manner. Children with behavioural and emotion difficulties grow into adults, often with their challenges very near the surface....

 

Well, just as I would never question what seems to be a perfectly able person using a disabled toilet because I can not necessarily see their disability, I hope I can also remember that some of the adults I encounter may also have ‘unseen’ issues.....

 

I am not making excuses for bad manners and selfishness but I am saying a cruise ship is a mini community with fellow guests who may have problems. If someone’s behaviour was overall impacting my cruise vacation I would report it to management and try to work with them to resolve the issue. I wouldn’t loose sleep about a specific table, worry about another guest taking my omelette or hogging a deck chair!

Perhaps the OP can give an idea as to the age. If the person looked to be elderly, perhaps you're right. If the person appeared much younger, perhaps not.

[chemmo]

Perhaps the OP can give an idea as to the age. If the person looked to be elderly, perhaps you're right. If the person appeared much younger, perhaps not.

 

Mental health issues are not age related.....

[bigbeergut]

....Families trying to give their loved ones some quality of life by taking them on a cruise deserve commendation and support not criticism for not being good carers.

 

Well, just as I would never question what seems to be a perfectly able person using a disabled toilet because I can not necessarily see their disability, I hope I can also remember that some of the adults I encounter may also have ‘unseen’ issues.....

 

I am not making excuses for bad manners and selfishness but I am saying a cruise ship is a mini community with fellow guests who may have problems. If someone’s behaviour was overall impacting my cruise vacation I would report it to management and try to work with them to resolve the issue. I wouldn’t loose sleep about a specific table, worry about another guest taking my omelette or hogging a deck chair!

 

If there are guests with dementia or other "unseen issues", the problem isn't with those guests but their caregivers because they are aware of the "unseen issues" that may cause problems with other guests. The caregivers shouldn't allow the person with issues to get themselves into situations where they will have issues with other passengers.

 

However I'll suggest that the vast majority of problems between passengers arises because one or both of them are jerks not because one of them has any unseen issues.

[dkjretired]

Some people are just plain rude and feel entitled.....

[nomad098]

Nomad,

 

Sorry to hear of the issues your family faced while aboard!

 

Please remember, this situation can happen on most any sailing, yet it need not to were their parents around.

 

Also, sorry that we did not interact more as well... it was great to meet you and I trust we will sail again together..

 

 

Hello to DW...

 

bo1953

 

Hi Bo

 

It was lovely meeting you even for such a brief encounter.

 

None of the issues would put us off cruising and unfortunately we are aware that poor behavior can happen on any cruiseline.

 

It just seemed more noticeable on this particular cruise.

 

We found there was more poor behavior/manners from adults than kids on this cruise.

 

Having kids we normally travel during school holidays and to be honest the majority of kids tend to behave themselves.

 

From what we saw on this cruise the staff saw the low level poor behavior and just turned a blind eye to it to avoid confrontation.

 

We loved visiting New Jersey and New York so will definitely be back at some point.

 

So we may sail together in the future Bo

 

Nomad and Family

[Texed]

I was the poster who much earlier in this thread suggested that the man may have had a mental health issue.....It was the above follow up comment that made me think this. !

 

And, from reading your posts for a long time, it is easy to tell that you are very kind.

Thanks for posting. :)

[Oville]

Interesting you mentioned the MC concierge. We did bring it up and her answer was "I'm sorry that happened, is there anything I can get you from the bar?" There is just no interest in confrontation of any kind. Don't get me wrong we met many more really nice people than the rude ones and we did not let the rude one's ruin our cruise.

 

What exactly did you think the MC Concierge was going to do for you other than say sorry. We’re you looking for compensation?