Table Tent With Your Names in the MDR?

[slidergirl]

6 hours ago, Hlitner said:

Do you think they should add their religious affiliation, political party, height, weight, preferred pronoun, etc. to those name tags?

 

Hank

You may be getting into "don't ask, don't tell" country there...

[GUT2407]

Wow cant believe how upset some get if others want to talk about stuff. just get a table for two if you don't want to risk talk of politics, family, religion etc.

[slidergirl]

2 hours ago, GUT2407 said:

Wow cant believe how upset some get if others want to talk about stuff. just get a table for two if you don't want to risk talk of politics, family, religion etc.

I don't get upset, I just don't want to chit chat with strangers.  I do that 8 hours a day at work.  I always opt for a table for one.  No skin off my nose.  

[K32682]

On 4/12/2019 at 10:44 AM, Hlitner said:

For us, dining in the MDR is about socializing and we normally ask to share a large table.  Most folks do have the ability to speak (for those that are truly mute...a tag makes sense) and breaking the ice with introductions is a perfect way to start the social fun.   And by the way, although we believe that the OP's idea is well intended they have not thought through their idea.  Many folks, these days, would not want to use name tags (or placards) but would insist that everyone bring their phone to dinner and then everyone can text each other.  The skill of being able to socialize, face to face and using your mouth and ears, has been lost to a big segment of society.  In a sense it is easy to see that human evolution will leave us (in a few million years) with humans who have no ears or voice box.  But they will probably have at least 10 fingers so that they can better text.

 

For most people the MDR is about dining not socializing with complete strangers which is why it's called the Main Dining Room not the Main Socializing Room. 

 

Socializing requires willing participants discussing subjects in which they have a mutual interest.  Therefore, a critical component of "being able to socialize" is perceiving when the conversation is becoming contentious or boring.  Should you encounter people with whom you are attempting to socialize falling mute it may be less that their "skill to socialize" is in decline but that your skill at not being able to perceive when you are intrusive and overbearing needs improvement.

 

People who may seem to have poor socializing skills could simply be politely disengaging from the conversation in response to a boor.   

[Hlitner]

19 minutes ago, K32682 said:

 

For most people the MDR is about dining not socializing with complete strangers which is why it's called the Main Dining Room not the Main Socializing Room. 

 

Socializing requires willing participants discussing subjects in which they have a mutual interest.  Therefore, a critical component of "being able to socialize" is perceiving when the conversation is becoming contentious or boring.  Should you encounter people with whom you are attempting to socialize falling mute it may be less that their "skill to socialize" is in decline but that your skill at not being able to perceive when you are intrusive and overbearing needs improvement.

 

People who may seem to have poor socializing skills could simply be politely disengaging from the conversation in response to a boor.   

I think you missed some of the point of my post.  DW and I still do a lot of cruising (often over 100 days a year) and still prefer to share large tables (6-8) at Open Dining options where we get to dine with different folks every night (unless a few of us decide to form our own table...which happens quite often on longer cruises).  There are still plenty of folks who love to socialize at dinner and we usually manage to discover those folks within a few days.  On most cruises we have lots of fun at dinner.  We have found the most fun happens when we dine late (after 7:45) when the staff is relaxed (no more seatings) and the diners are generally not in a hurry.  On every ship there are always a few tables where you can hear lots of laughter and discussion, and that is usually where you will find us :).  We are often among the last tables to leave the MDR and have made quite a few friends over the years, just dining in the MDR.  If we do happen to get a table with some who are not comfortable socializing, we are polite but will simply avoid those folks in the future (it is likely mutual).  Most of the "mutes" as you describe them are not a problem since they generally gravitate to the 2-top tables where they can be mute.  For later diners there is often time to also socialize with some of the staff (waiters, Maitre'd, etc).  We have even had Maitre d's pull up a chair (late when the MDR is near empty) to chat.  On our long cruises we will often leave the ship knowing quite a few waiters, the names of their children, where they live, etc.  In fact, waiters have proven to be a great source of info for our DIY explorations of ports and countries (we also do a lot of land travel).    

 

Yes, there are certainly those that go to the MDR just to eat (and eat fast) so they can quickly move on to evening activities.  But for us, the MDR is often the most interesting evening activity.   Sadly, socializing with strangers (who later become friends) is becoming a lost skill...being replaced by one's ability to text.   Suffice it to say that we have never been bored on a cruise (even after 40+ years of extensive cruising).   A few years ago we boarded HAL's Prinsendam for a long (about 2 month) cruise.  When we entered the MDR the first night the Maitre'd broke into a big smile and said "welcome home."  He said it all 🙂

 

Hank

[navybankerteacher]

I’ve found that the increase in “as you wish” dining has reduced the need for gimmicks like table tents - while improving the chances for reasonable dinner conversation.  People who do not want to dine with others opt out - which improves your chances of finding a compatible table. 

 

It is easy enough to start conversation - and to steer it away from toxic topics/approaches. It is also easy enough to change tables - which we have done a couple of times if seated with the unendurable.

 

There are plenty of acceptable topics for intelligent and enjoyable conversation - which makes dining on a cruise a refreshing change from the one-on-one we usually have (and enjoy) at home.

[SantaFeFan]

21 minutes ago, Hlitner said:

I think you missed some of the point of my post.  DW and I still do a lot of cruising (often over 100 days a year) and still prefer to share large tables (6-8) at Open Dining options where we get to dine with different folks every night (unless a few of us decide to form our own table...which happens quite often on longer cruises).  There are still plenty of folks who love to socialize at dinner and we usually manage to discover those folks within a few days.  On most cruises we have lots of fun at dinner.  We have found the most fun happens when we dine late (after 7:45) when the staff is relaxed (no more seatings) and the diners are generally not in a hurry.  On every ship there are always a few tables where you can hear lots of laughter and discussion, and that is usually where you will find us :).  We are often among the last tables to leave the MDR and have made quite a few friends over the years, just dining in the MDR.  If we do happen to get a table with some who are not comfortable socializing, we are polite but will simply avoid those folks in the future (it is likely mutual).  Most of the "mutes" as you describe them are not a problem since they generally gravitate to the 2-top tables where they can be mute.  For later diners there is often time to also socialize with some of the staff (waiters, Maitre'd, etc).  We have even had Maitre d's pull up a chair (late when the MDR is near empty) to chat.  On our long cruises we will often leave the ship knowing quite a few waiters, the names of their children, where they live, etc.  In fact, waiters have proven to be a great source of info for our DIY explorations of ports and countries (we also do a lot of land travel).    

 

Yes, there are certainly those that go to the MDR just to eat (and eat fast) so they can quickly move on to evening activities.  But for us, the MDR is often the most interesting evening activity.   Sadly, socializing with strangers (who later become friends) is becoming a lost skill...being replaced by one's ability to text.   Suffice it to say that we have never been bored on a cruise (even after 40+ years of extensive cruising).   A few years ago we boarded HAL's Prinsendam for a long (about 2 month) cruise.  When we entered the MDR the first night the Maitre'd broke into a big smile and said "welcome home."  He said it all 🙂

 

Hank

 

Hank, well said. Fortunately, there are still some of us around who actually appreciate meeting people and socializing IN PERSON (horrors!!!). For us the world doesn't revolve around having our noses buried in our smartphones and living in our own carefully crafted bubbles. We actually enjoy sharing with other people's views, thoughts, and experiences. Like you, we always opt for a large table, and rarely end up with people who we prefer not to talk to. We have had some great fun and in most cases, came away enriched. 

 

As to that other poster who proselytizes that the MDR does not mean Main Socializing Room, I feel sorry for him. Throughout human history, dinner has been the main opportunity for socializing, whether with family or with friends and acquaintances. I grew up in a home where the entire family always sat together for dinner every evening and shared what we did that day. I am grateful that smartphones and video games had not been invented yet. And am grateful that the tradition of sitting with "strangers" is still available on cruise ships.

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by SantaFeFan

[K32682]

53 minutes ago, Hlitner said:

If we do happen to get a table with some who are not comfortable socializing, we are polite but will simply avoid those folks in the future (it is likely mutual).  Most of the "mutes" as you describe them are not a problem since they generally gravitate to the 2-top tables where they can be mute. 

 

I did not call them "mutes."  What I said is they fall mute when they conclude the conversation imposed is intrusive, obnoxious or tedious. The least offensive way to disengage from an intrusive boor is to stop talking to them.  The less constrained among of us may instruct them to shut up. Not everyone who is silent is suffering from the "lost skill" of socializing.  

Edited April 14, 2019 by K32682

[Hlitner]

3 minutes ago, K32682 said:

 

I did not call them "mutes."  What I said is they fall mute when they conclude the conversation imposed upon the conclude is intrusive, obnoxious or tedious. The least offensive way to disengage from an intrusive boor is to stop talking to them.  The less constrained among of us may instruct them to shut up. Not everyone who is silent is suffering from the "lost skill" of socializing.  

I was kind of mocking your post :).  Perhaps we are lucky, but we have probably shared over 1000 tables on cruises over many decades and can only remember 3 or 4 situations like you describe.  Part of the skill of socializing is knowing how to converse without being "boorish" or insulting.   And when we have had "challenging" tablemates it has often turned into great fun.   We have met so many fascinating people on our trips/cruises and after more then 50 years of extensive travel my best memories are of the people.   DW used to always tease that her nightmare tablemates would be "Ethel and George" from the center of Kansas!  Well it actually happened on one cruise when we got seated at a table of 4 with Ethel and Steve from a farm in Kansas.  By the end of the meal we were all laughing and had a great time (we ate with them many times on the long cruise).   

 

On one of our recent cruises we shared a table with a youngish (20s) woman and her Mom (DW and I are seniors).  At first we were concerned that the young lady would be completely bored with all us ole folks.  But as I tried to get her in the conversation it turned out that she had two graduate degrees...but her current job was guiding mule trains down into the Grand Canyon (I kid you not).  DW and I were totally fascinated by her story (how a scientist ended up a mule train guide).  This kind of thing only happens on a cruise :).  And no, her Mom was not particularly happy with her daughters current profession.  And then there was the senior senior (well into his 90s) Canadian who had hit the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.  We had lunch with him one day (the Maitre'd ask us if we would do us a favor and join the elderly gentleman who did not want to eat alone) and listened to his war stories for several hours (even after lunch).  One of our more unforgettable characters.  

 

We have heard stories about folks who are "intrusive, obnoxious or tedious" but it has very rarely happened to us in real life.  Perhaps most of those folks have long ago decided that need to stick to 2 tops.

 

 

Hank

[slidergirl]

2 hours ago, SantaFeFan said:

 

Hank, well said. Fortunately, there are still some of us around who actually appreciate meeting people and socializing IN PERSON (horrors!!!). For us the world doesn't revolve around having our noses buried in our smartphones and living in our own carefully crafted bubbles. We actually enjoy sharing with other people's views, thoughts, and experiences. Like you, we always opt for a large table, and rarely end up with people who we prefer not to talk to. We have had some great fun and in most cases, came away enriched. 

 

As to that other poster who proselytizes that the MDR does not mean Main Socializing Room, I feel sorry for him. Throughout human history, dinner has been the main opportunity for socializing, whether with family or with friends and acquaintances. I grew up in a home where the entire family always sat together for dinner every evening and shared what we did that day. I am grateful that smartphones and video games had not been invented yet. And am grateful that the tradition of sitting with "strangers" is still available on cruise ships.

 

 

Thank you for your demeaning comments.   I socialize IN PERSON at home and at events.  I do not have my nose buried in my iPhone or my iPad (and I don't text - all my friends know that if they want to get in touch with me, they have to CALL).  The World is my bubble - I get out there myself, no safe bubble of cattle call excursions.  I've been fortunate to travel around the world and feel like I've missed nothing in my solo travels.  I've met wonderful people and have had some interesting, spontaneous interactions.  When I first starting cruising, I was subjected to the "why are you alone", "you are sooo brave to travel alone", you poor thing that you are traveling by yourself" kind of comments at the dinner table.  Totally turned me off.  

To me, having to talk to strangers while eating is just not enjoyable.  It would be akin to a "busman's holiday" - I talk to strangers all night long at work.  To each her own - if you like sharing a table and conversing with people, go for it.  Just don't peg the rest of us as unsociable.  Maybe we socialize in a different way.  

[SantaFeFan]

19 minutes ago, slidergirl said:

Thank you for your demeaning comments.   I socialize IN PERSON at home and at events.  I do not have my nose buried in my iPhone or my iPad (and I don't text - all my friends know that if they want to get in touch with me, they have to CALL).  The World is my bubble - I get out there myself, no safe bubble of cattle call excursions.  I've been fortunate to travel around the world and feel like I've missed nothing in my solo travels.  I've met wonderful people and have had some interesting, spontaneous interactions.  When I first starting cruising, I was subjected to the "why are you alone", "you are sooo brave to travel alone", you poor thing that you are traveling by yourself" kind of comments at the dinner table.  Totally turned me off.  

To me, having to talk to strangers while eating is just not enjoyable.  It would be akin to a "busman's holiday" - I talk to strangers all night long at work.  To each her own - if you like sharing a table and conversing with people, go for it.  Just don't peg the rest of us as unsociable.  Maybe we socialize in a different way.  

 

I voiced my opinion. You are voicing yours. They are different. So what's the problem?

 

And this triggered you so much that you just had to insult people who go on ship excursions by calling them cattle? What the heck does that have to do with socializing in the MDR? Calm down! Try not to get yourself so worked up next time. It's not that big of a deal. 

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by SantaFeFan

[slidergirl]

1 minute ago, SantaFeFan said:

 

I voiced my opinion. You are voicing yours. They are different. So what's the problem?

 

Try not to get yourself so worked up next time. It's not that big of a deal. 

 

PS: and this triggered you so much that you just had to insult people who go on ship excursions by calling them cattle? What the heck does that have to do with socializing in the MDR? Calm down!

Someone supposedly from the SouthWest brought up "bubbles" when on a cruise and dining.  So, it was fair to bring other types of bubbles cruisers insert them into.  It was not called a ship excursion (please read carefully).  Demeaning people who don't want to eat with others as burying noses in phones...  It IS a big deal.   Do people NOT understand that some people, for many reasons, do NOT want/need to dine with others.  Leave it be without calling us unsociable, mute, standoffish, cold...  Like I said (and maybe overlooked) - to each his own and thank goddess for multiple types of dining options!!!

[Mike981]

So to get this train back on the rails. I just ordered some table tents for my wife and I, with a list of acceptable topics to be discussed and repercussions if the rules are violated. "Setting the Table" if you will.

[sloopsailor]

Based on some of the comments from the "I don't want to dine with you" people on this thread, including the one who became all unglued because someone accurately pointed out that many people do spend a lot of time on their phones, perhaps this is the type of table tent THEY should be bringing:

 

[DirtyDawg]

13 minutes ago, Mike981 said:

So to get this train back on the rails. I just ordered some table tents for my wife and I, with a list of acceptable topics to be discussed and repercussions if the rules are violated. "Setting the Table" if you will.

Thanks,

This thread was starting to resemble a tipping thread!

 

Of course, it will be back to resembling a tipping thread in no time at all.

Edited April 14, 2019 by DirtyDawg

[CPT Trips]

 

Well, it seems like this thread tipped over into toxic, intrusive, obnoxious and tedious . . .

As we are dining, lettuce prey for whirled peas 🙄

[navybankerteacher]

7 minutes ago, CPT Trips said:

 

Well, it seems like this thread tipped over into toxic, intrusive, obnoxious and tedious . . .

As we are dining, lettuce prey for whirled peas 🙄

You realize, of course, that you are sailing very close to the maelstrom of MDR dining - hinting at both religion and politics with the same cliche.

[Elaine5715]

5 hours ago, Hlitner said:

I was kind of mocking your post :).  Perhaps we are lucky, but we have probably shared over 1000 tables on cruises over many decades and can only remember 3 or 4 situations like you describe.  Part of the skill of socializing is knowing how to converse without being "boorish" or insulting.   And when we have had "challenging" tablemates it has often turned into great fun.   We have met so many fascinating people on our trips/cruises and after more then 50 years of extensive travel my best memories are of the people.   DW used to always tease that her nightmare tablemates would be "Ethel and George" from the center of Kansas!  Well it actually happened on one cruise when we got seated at a table of 4 with Ethel and Steve from a farm in Kansas.  By the end of the meal we were all laughing and had a great time (we ate with them many times on the long cruise).   

 

On one of our recent cruises we shared a table with a youngish (20s) woman and her Mom (DW and I are seniors).  At first we were concerned that the young lady would be completely bored with all us ole folks.  But as I tried to get her in the conversation it turned out that she had two graduate degrees...but her current job was guiding mule trains down into the Grand Canyon (I kid you not).  DW and I were totally fascinated by her story (how a scientist ended up a mule train guide).  This kind of thing only happens on a cruise :).  And no, her Mom was not particularly happy with her daughters current profession.  And then there was the senior senior (well into his 90s) Canadian who had hit the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.  We had lunch with him one day (the Maitre'd ask us if we would do us a favor and join the elderly gentleman who did not want to eat alone) and listened to his war stories for several hours (even after lunch).  One of our more unforgettable characters.  

 

We have heard stories about folks who are "intrusive, obnoxious or tedious" but it has very rarely happened to us in real life.  Perhaps most of those folks have long ago decided that need to stick to 2 tops.

 

 

Hank

I shared a table once with a Retired Naval Commander and his lovely family.  How cool is that?  Some tablemates are completely forgettable and some utterly charming.  I think you get back what you put into conversations.  

[Elaine5715]

3 hours ago, sloopsailor said:

Based on some of the comments from the "I don't want to dine with you" people on this thread, including the one who became all unglued because someone accurately pointed out that many people do spend a lot of time on their phones, perhaps this is the type of table tent THEY should be bringing:

 

I do wonder why if many the folks who want to "enjoy" only their own company at a table for two, save all their conversation for after dinner because I only see them taking to the dining crew.

[slidergirl]

4 hours ago, sloopsailor said:

Based on some of the comments from the "I don't want to dine with you" people on this thread, including the one who became all unglued because someone accurately pointed out that many people do spend a lot of time on their phones, perhaps this is the type of table tent THEY should be bringing:

 

Based on a general statement about people who prefer not dine with others have their noses buried in a phone... 😏

No one became unglued.  Hyperbole and lie.

 

Maybe I'll bring a table tent that says "everyone stay away - I have been branded a social incompetent by Cruise Critic."

[slidergirl]

53 minutes ago, Elaine5715 said:

I do wonder why if many the folks who want to "enjoy" only their own company at a table for two, save all their conversation for after dinner because I only see them taking to the dining crew.

 

 

Let's see:  folks who do enjoy (yes, we enjoy it, so need for your sarcastic quotes) only their own company only TALK to the dining crew because someone needs to take our orders.  Some of us actually like to eat and savor our food quietly...  Who said we save all conversation for after dinner?  Hyperbole.  Not sure why, when we said "to each his/her own", the "social" diners have a need to continue to give juvenile comebacks.   

 

Maybe instead of a table tent, I'll walk around with a sign around my neck...

Edited April 14, 2019 by slidergirl

[Elaine5715]

1 minute ago, slidergirl said:

 

Let's see:  folks who do enjoy only their own company only TALK to the dining crew because someone needs to take our orders.  Some of us actually like to eat and savor our food quietly...  Not sure why, when we said "to each his/her own", the "social" diners have a need to continue to give juvenile comebacks.   

 

Maybe instead of a table tent, I'll walk around with a sign around my neck...

Wow, another trigger?  

[Elaine5715]

7 minutes ago, slidergirl said:

Based on a general statement about people who prefer not dine with others have their noses buried in a phone... 😏

No one became unglued.  Hyperbole and lie.

 

Maybe I'll bring a table tent that says "everyone stay away - I have been branded a social incompetent by Cruise Critic."

Ok, then.

[K32682]

34 minutes ago, slidergirl said:

Not sure why, when we said "to each his/her own", the "social" diners have a need to continue to give juvenile comebacks.  

 

The juvenile responses, feeling sorry for and mocking are because they're losing ground.  Cruise lines no longer frog march passengers to a set table with total strangers nor demand formal dress on "special" nights.  Instead they offer anytime dining, two tops in the MDR, specialty restaurants and a dress code that is far more casual.  The quaint and archaic cruise traditions are in steady decline and will eventually cease to exist despite the protestations of a fading few.

[cruisemom42]

34 minutes ago, K32682 said:

 

The juvenile responses, feeling sorry for and mocking are because they're losing ground.  Cruise lines no longer frog march passengers to a set table with total strangers nor demand formal dress on "special" nights.  Instead they offer anytime dining, two tops in the MDR, specialty restaurants and a dress code that is far more casual.  The quaint and archaic cruise traditions are in steady decline and will eventually cease to exist despite the protestations of a fading few.

 

Frogmarched?  

 

Please. The level of hyperbole on both sides is getting a bit crazy. A cruise is an entirely voluntary vacation. I doubt whether folks would have continued to cruise, year on year, if the dining experience had been such a miserable one...

 

That said, I am very happy that the cruise lines have found a way to satisfy most when it comes to dining preferences. One can sit alone or with only one's party, or can share a table with others.

 

As a solo, I am one that enjoys sharing a table and a conversation with others at dinner, and I hope that this is not something that others are discouraged from participating in by the thought that the experience is awkward, unenjoyable or worse.  Since choices are now well established on most lines, those who do opt to share a table are generally those who enjoy it.