“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[hcat]

Hope the  thread is not burning.out

For me and maybe others  fart jokes or links to profanity are  not worth the visit!

[MamaFej]

[MamaFej]

1 hour ago, C-Dragons said:

I have not clicked on your post, but from your description perhaps it is not appropriate for this thread?

And I was not aware that profanity was acceptable on CC.

I understand and respect your concern. If you would like to report the post, I certainly will not object.

 

I assure you that the words in question are not any worse than those in many COVID-19-related songs and song parodies posted in multiple threads all around Cruise Critic. They are just more frequently repeated in this particular song. Out of respect for my fellow posters who might not be comfortable with that, I felt it was appropriate to offer a heads-up.

 

 

[hcat]

Also links to facebook

.No one has to click on it

I passed..

 

Darth Vader was good!

Edited March 28, 2020 by hcat

[Quo Vadis?]

Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in (------------) (put in your favorite state but this joke was told to me by a someone from Alabama)

 

Anywhere else and it would have been called a teethbrush.

[goofysmom99]

I love all the contributions and, of course, find some funnier than others.  However, I find critiquing definitely not funny.  

[chrisoutofafrica]

https://biggeekdad.com/2019/03/monkey-hypnotizes-ventriloquist/

 

Not a joke, but made me laugh.

[chrisoutofafrica]

 

[bob278]

[rugerdog]

[travelnap]

They recently figured out why everyone is stocking up on toilet paper.  A recent study showed that if one person coughs, 10 people crap their pants.  Naughty, I know, but still kind of funny with all the hoarding going on.

[goofysmom99]

[ischeer]

This bit of humor comes with an introduction, but since we've all got nothing better to do, ...

Many jokes rely on double meanings in their punchlines.  This one, originally credited to the creators of "The Simpsons", contains not one, not two, but three double meanings in its 8-word punch line.

 

It's after the great flood.  The waters have receded, the sun has come out, and Noah gathers all the animals together.  Noah declares "The word from the Lord is 'Go Forth and Multiply'." The animals all leave the ark, thanking Noah.  All except two snakes, who remain behind.  When Noah questions them, one of the snakes points to a small grove of trees, and says to Noah "We need you to cut down those trees, and cut them up into pieces."  When Noah questions them, the snake replies ..."We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

[C-Dragons]

A dog walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

A man sitting at the end of the bar says angrily, “I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.”
The dog and the man end up in a fight and the man shoots the dog in the foot.

Yelping loudly, the dog limps out of the bar and down the street.

A week later the same dog walks into the same bar, but this time he's wearing a black hat, black vest, black chaps, a black gun belt with a pair of black Colt 45’s, and a black bandage around his sore foot.

He goes up to the bar and quietly says to the bartender, “I’m looking for the man who shot my Paw.”

[goofysmom99]

[ldubs]

3 hours ago, ischeer said:

This bit of humor comes with an introduction, but since we've all got nothing better to do, ...

Many jokes rely on double meanings in their punchlines.  This one, originally credited to the creators of "The Simpsons", contains not one, not two, but three double meanings in its 8-word punch line.

 

It's after the great flood.  The waters have receded, the sun has come out, and Noah gathers all the animals together.  Noah declares "The word from the Lord is 'Go Forth and Multiply'." The animals all leave the ark, thanking Noah.  All except two snakes, who remain behind.  When Noah questions them, one of the snakes points to a small grove of trees, and says to Noah "We need you to cut down those trees, and cut them up into pieces."  When Noah questions them, the snake replies ..."We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

 

It usually isn't a good sign when someone explains the punchline before the joke, but still, this was pretty good even it is was slightly over my head.  Lol

[AquariusOne]

 

It usually isn't a good sign when someone explains the punchline before the joke, but still, this was pretty good even it is was slightly over my head.  Lol
 

Well you proved the point, sometimes explanation is needed. 
 

Enjoying this thread. Thank you to all contributors. 

[alibaba1]

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.

Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many
months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"

She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.

"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Motorcycle?”

 

 

 

 

[travelnap]

OK, that one is Harley a laughing matter, Alibaba 1.

[NMTraveller]

Why the hoarding of paper towels??? 

[NMTraveller]

[NMTraveller]

[NMTraveller]

Working from home.

 

Edited March 30, 2020 by NMTraveller

[goofysmom99]

[goofysmom99]

A blast from the past that made me LOL.  Trunk Monkey compilation.