Change in "dining culture" on cruise ships!

[Hlitner]

Thought I would start what I think is a fascinating topic.  When we started cruising back in the 70s, nearly all ships had only Fixed Seatings with assigned tables.  The norm, in those days, were larger tables with most being for 6, 8 or even 10 with a scattering of 4 tops.  2 tops were quite rare.  Most cruisers looked forward to that first evening's dinner when they would meet their tablemates and hopefully develop some new friendships.  In those years we made many wonderful friends (some are still friends) at dinner tables and the conversations were usually interesting and fun.  My parents did go on ships (they called them "Liners") back in the 50s and 60s.  As was the practice in those days they did not take the children (i.e. me).  When they would return from their trips, I can remember all the conversations we had about their table mates (many of whom became long term friends). 

 

Now, let's move forward to current times (and leave COVID out of the mix).  Most folks no longer like to share tables with strangers.   2 tops are now quite popular with some of those folks posting that they do not like to socialize with strangers.  Others have posted (over the past few years) that they have no clue how to even have a conversation with strangers (i.e. "what do we talk about?").  So what has happened?  Some social scientists talk about a change in culture due to texting and e-mails where many have not developed conversational skills.  When I was a kid, our entire family (5) would sit down to dinner at 6pm nearly every night.  We always at together as a family, talked about our day, our friends, etc.  Nearly all my friends did the same in their homes.  Today, many families no longer get together for dinner as a family (we have seen this in our own family).  Busy schedules and perhaps more of a self-centered attitude have ended the routine "family dinner" for many families.  We know one family that feel blessed because they can still get together one evening a week!  These days that is an accomplishment.  And even when families do manage to sit down together it is likely that one or more will be distracted by texting, somebody might be watching a video, etc.

 

DW and I still love to share large tables.  But we are now the exception.  Since we generally do open sittings (on high end lines everything is open sitting) we simply tell the host we would like to share a large table.  Since we no longer do fixed dining, this means we meet different folks at most dinners.  On our long cruises we will often develop friendships during the first few dinners and often start to form our own tables or meet our new friends for pre-dinner cocktails and later go to the MSr as a group.  But again, we are surprised that this has become somewhat rare.  In fact, many tell us they eat so early (often by 5:30) they do not have time to socialize before dinner!  Wow.

 

Times have certainly changed.  What do you think?

 

Hank

[cruiseryyc]

One of the many reasons I no longer cruise!  

[SimplyMarvie]

We cruise with our kids and so haven't shared tables because we're aware that a lot of cruisers deeply dislike having kids around, especially during meals. We don't want to be the cause of anyone not having a good time, and it's nice to get a family dinner together and talk about what we did all day, especially when we're off to different activities. (We eat together at least once a week at home, usually more often... but with afterschool activities and meetings and events, someone is usually gone for dinner more nights than we're all home)

 

When we have shared tables, it has always been an unexpected but complete pleasure. Even people that we struggled to start a conversation with, we've always ended up having a lovely meal together once we found something we all wanted to chat about. I'm in my 40s, and I think my generation was under-parented and didn't really learn the social graces of easy conversation with others that my parents and their parents had -- we were too busy being latch-key kids and left to our own devices. I had to teach myself in my 30s, because my job required it. Our generation's kids certainly struggle with that, especially if their parents don't have the skills to teach them, although they seem to make instant friends with one another easily enough.

[ldubs]

Well it certainly has changed.  It is,  of course, driven by customer preferences.  Your reasons for why those preferences have changed make sense to me.    Whatever it is worth, the current dining options provide flexibility to meet the needs of those who enjoy group interactions as well as those who want to keep to themselves.  

[Aquahound]

DW and I are social butterflies, despite living in the land that forgot how to socialize with others.....Seattle.  While there is some truth to what you posted, it unfairly paints everyone with the same brush.   

 

We prefer a 2-top, not because we are afraid or don't know how to be social.  We prefer it because we reserve that time to just enjoy one another.  We spend all day and most of the evenings meeting people, talking, enjoying drinks, participating in games, etc.  

[LHT28]

I disliked the set dining    we always seemed to get stuck at tables with boorish people 

 

We do prefer sharing tables   most nights  some night we just like a 2 top

 

I myself prefer the open dining  but many like the set dining & the familiarity of the same dinner mates

No right  or wrong choice  just personal preferences

YMMV

[1025cruise]

On my last cruises where I had set dining, I was seated at large tables, where no one else showed up.

Was very depressing. We were both looking forward to meeting new friends.

[bbangel74]

In all the times that I had a shared table there was never a good match with the other people so it made showing up for dinner something to dread instead of look forward to. At least with the new system you would only get stuck with the mismatch once instead of the whole cruise. When you are able to choose your tablemates, either before or during the cruise it is so much more enjoyable.

[ldubs]

17 minutes ago, LHT28 said:

I disliked the set dining    we always seemed to get stuck at tables with boorish people 

 

We do prefer sharing tables   most nights  some night we just like a 2 top

 

I myself prefer the open dining  but many like the set dining & the familiarity of the same dinner mates

No right  or wrong choice  just personal preferences

YMMV

 

I can get along with just about everyone.  Have not encountered boorish people, but didn't like being stuck with people who need to order everything on the menu.  I don't care how much they eat.  I just don't want to sit there waiting for them to finish.   We learned to politely excuse ourselves with some made up excuse.  Cost us desert, but worth it.    

[sprint180]

10 minutes ago, bbangel74 said:

In all the times that I had a shared table there was never a good match with the other people so it made showing up for dinner something to dread instead of look forward to. At least with the new system you would only get stuck with the mismatch once instead of the whole cruise. When you are able to choose your tablemates, either before or during the cruise it is so much more enjoyable.

The one time we did it we didn't match well with our table mates.  

[sprint180]

I go on cruises to spend time with my family.  I want to eat with them and see how their day went, not talk to strangers.

[cruizergal70]

People have a right and a choice in how they choose to eat dinner. I don't go on cruises to meet new people. Therefore,  I don't choose to be anyone's table mate. It's that simple.

 

This doesn't make me antisocial,  boorish, uncouth, or lacking social skills. 

[pris993]

23 minutes ago, cruizergal70 said:

People have a right and a choice in how they choose to eat dinner. I don't go on cruises to meet new people. Therefore,  I don't choose to be anyone's table mate. It's that simple.

 

This doesn't make me antisocial,  boorish, uncouth, or lacking social skills. 

Same with us, we probably stopped sharing a table back in the 1980s.  Even if on a ship with open seating we requested a table for 2 and got it.   We stopped going to the MDR entirely about 10 years ago, when ships and MDR seemed to get larger and the MDR seemed crowded and noise levels unpleasant.  We are seniors, eat early, either at the buffet and enjoy the view/sunset at a table for 2 or go to specialty dining on board.  There are lots of options on ships, everyone can do what they enjoy today.  

[TheOldBear]

Perhaps Mrs Bear and I are old fashioned - but we prefer the traditional assigned seating and time [late seating is our preference].

We usually opt for a 6 place round table - larger or rectangular tables inhibit communication.

[Hlitner]

1 hour ago, 1025cruise said:

On my last cruises where I had set dining, I was seated at large tables, where no one else showed up.

Was very depressing. We were both looking forward to meeting new friends.

Ahhh.  Many years ago this happened to us on a RCI cruise.  We were assigned to a table of 8 and the other 6 never showed-up for the entire week.  The Maitre'd did some investigation and those 6 were all friends and preferred to eat in the Lido Buffet every night.

 

These days we no longer have that issue.  Why?  On ships where there is a choice we always choose Anytime Dining or whatever it is called on that line.  When we show-up at the door we simply tell the host that we would be happy to share a large table.  Unless we are dining very late (after 8:30) we will usually end up at a large table that will be full because the host seats others who want to share.  

 

As to having "boorish" table mates perhaps folks need to look inward.  On far more than 1300 cruise nights we could count boorish tablemates on one hand.  We have had some shy tablemates but part of socializing is finding a way to coax folks out of their shell.  This is much less of an issue on our longer cruises because most of the cruisers have lots of cruise/travel experience.   Some post here on CC that they have no clue about what to talk about at tables.  We always find that just talking about travel and family are good starters.  Just asking folks what they plan to do at the ports will usually trigger some good discussion.  The old axiom of not discussing religion or politics is usually good advice although we have had some interesting table discussions on both topics.  

 

A few years ago we started cruising on Seabourn (among other lines) where everything is open dining.  Prior to COVID, Seabourn had what they called "hosted tables" in The Restaurant (their MDR) nearly every night.  These were larger tables that were hosted by a Senior Officer, cruise director, or some of the entertainers.  Those tables were popular with some single cruisers and also with some of us couples.  You would only get these tables if you volunteered and we were nearly always available.  Those tables were always fascinating and fun.  On one 14 day cruise, on different nights, we dined with the Captain, Staff Captain, Chief Engineer, Assistant Cruise Director, and several of the singers/dancers and Guest Entertainers.   All of the hosts were wonderful.  The night we were asked to dine with the Captain the hostess told us to meet him in the Thomas Keller Grill (an alternative venue).  When we got there we were seated at a table of 6 with only one other couple and the Captain who turned out to be a great table mate.   The night with the Chief Engineer was also eye opening as we learned a lot about the ship (and cruise ships in general).  

 

Hank

 

[LHT28]

1 hour ago, sprint180 said:

I go on cruises to spend time with my family.  I want to eat with them and see how their day went, not talk to strangers.

I see my spouse most of the day  so I enjoy talking to others  sometimes LOL

[klfrodo]

The days of Leave It To Beaver and The Waltons are gone forever. You either roll with the changes or you become stagnant.

I grew up in those good ole days also. However, I don't remember them as fondly as others.

[George C]

I also started cruising in the 1970’s as a single , had some great times meeting new people. Wife used to like the larger tables but for last 15 or so years prefers just getting a table for two , if we meet a interesting couple we will have dinner with them . 

[navybankerteacher]

43 minutes ago, TheOldBear said:

Perhaps Mrs Bear and I are old fashioned - but we prefer the traditional assigned seating and time [late seating is our preference].

We usually opt for a 6 place round table - larger or rectangular tables inhibit communication.

I suppose I am also among the old fashioned: I grew up in a large family which always dined together, followed by college residence dining,  then years of wardroom dining in the Navy, finally bank officers’ dining room — together made dinner conversations as important as getting nourishment.  Even now, my wife and I occasionally host, and attend, seated dinner parties.

 

it all depends on individual preference.  I think it is great that ships offer options - it reduces the likelihood of being seated with people who do not like being seated with people.

[hazeleyes46]

Our last cruise we asked to sit with others. Went the first night and never again. Not that we are not social as we are and other cruises we have sat with others and had no problem and enjoyed every night. 

We just had nothing in common with these other people. Some were older and many just very quiet and didn't socialize. To me, that is not the point of sitting with others and you should ask to sit alone then. 

[Joebucks]

I think you bring up some great points. A lot has certainly changed over the years. We often talk to other people. It is fun. However, there are definitely reasons we prefer the 2 top at dinner:

- Getting tablemates you don't vibe with is as awkward as it gets

- Not feeling forced to make discussion in certain scenarios

- It's relaxing to have your own table and privacy

- Not being forced to sit with them for your whole vacation.

 

I'd much rather pick and choose when to socialize.

 

Set dining is a dying breed. It's a shame too because I largely enjoy my (early) dining experience. I do not enjoy the forced elegant day though.

[Spif Barwunkel]

Save for a time or two over the years, our large table dining experiences have been very pleasant. We do set dining and always request a round table for eight. Good friends have been made with ongoing contact and the occasional planned cruise, meeting up at the embarkation point. Most new acquaintances of course are not as such, but the experiences during the cruise were extremely enjoyable.

 

It’s a personal thing, no doubt, and the “convivial gene” has been known to lay in various stages of dormancy within all individuals. In many cases it is never aroused, in others overly so, and everything else in between. We enjoy meeting new folks, characters and personalities. If it doesn’t work, it works itself out for everyone. No hard feelings.

 

We cannot cruise with several thousand other passengers and feel as though we are entities unto ourselves. Cruising is a social experience. We prefer to treat as such.

[wcook]

Change is good. New options are good. 

[Cruise till you drop]

We used to love cruising and sharing a table and meeting new people and sharing stories of our days at dinner

 

After a while it became a crap shoot and mostly we got stuck with people that made dinner miserable for various reasons

1) the worst is we were seated with travel agents on a free cruise and they complained about everything (going to dinner was like going to the dentist)

2) we also got paired with a much much younger couple and had nothing in common .  They were nice enough people but making conversation at dinner was torchere

 

Now we either just get a table for 2 or try to plan cruises with friends or family 

[hueyjudy]

I used to love dinner on a cruise with set table companions.  We never met any awful people, met many very cool people.  Looked forward to sharing our day each evening.  We shared a table once with two mothers and 5 kids, thought it would be a disaster.  It was wonderful.  The kids were great company and the mothers interesting conversationalists.  Now we like open dining on cruises.  But we do the buffet almost every evening.  We like a late breakfast and an early dinner and enjoy eating just exactly what we want to in the early evenings.  And at a certain point in life, I think some of us get tired of sharing our life stories over and over again and just like quiet meals with our spouses.  My problem now is a slight hearing loss, so at a table for 8 in a big dining room, the ambient noise makes me understand little.