Ummm- dumbest question ever. Cruising with an Ex

So this had to be the most idiotic question and scenario ever. I really don't need the flaming a- hole responses but I know they are coming.

My husband and I have been planning our Alaska cruise for a year and a half. This is on my bucket list. Pretty sure we will be divorced by then. Hearing is earlier that month. We don't hate each other. Frankly I can't think of anyone else I would rather go with. If he is sober.

Would you cancel or go?

If you can't imagine going with anyone else, and you are on good terms with each other, then go. You have invested a lot of time in each other through a marriage, and sometimes things don't work out. If you are still friends, and you feel comfortable, then go and enjoy yourselves. You dont' have to do everything together, you can have seperate beds, and you can set some ground rules before you go. Good luck!

We met a couple cruising together in Alaska last summer. Turned out they were divorced, but often traveled together. They did their own thing when they wanted to and sometimes did things together.

I'd go!

If you can't imagine going with anyone else, and you are on good terms with each other, then go. You have invested a lot of time in each other through a marriage, and sometimes things don't work out. If you are still friends, and you feel comfortable, then go and enjoy yourselves. You dont' have to do everything together, you can have seperate beds, and you can set some ground rules before you go. Good luck!

Thank you! We can even probably have different rooms in a Vista suite. We love each other and we are friends we just can't be married anymore (because of me- my decision).

PTSD and TBI are really bad things and rip families apart. But I do want this last trip with him.

That's really only a question you can answer. Being sober and not drinking (being dry) are two different things. You don't say whether addiction was a factor leading to your divorce. I traveled with my first husband a few times after we were divorced and the first two vacations were great. The third one not so much. But what I learned from that third trip was that unlike when we were married, I did not have to put up with him anymore. And I didn't. I went into Plan B mode and walked away and did my own thing. Very liberating experience.

So that would be my suggestion............always have a Plan B in the wings!:)

Hey...it's up to you! If you like each other, and you're already booked...why not? It's no one else's business!

Seriously? I really thought everyone would flame me and nobody else has ever been in this situation. I am pretty sure (I still always have hope but that has not worked out) that at some point- probably the beginning) he will get super drunk and stay that way.

But I have so many things I want to see and do.

I wouldn't, no way.

But that's just me.

You are you and he is him.

You're not Mrs Gut and I'm not him.

This is one no one else can answer for you. The fact that you have doubts enough to ask total strangers what to do makes me say, nope, no way.

I'd cancel. If you're afraid he is going to do the one thing that lead to your divorce I'd think this would just be a bitter final pill.

I'd cancel. If you're afraid he is going to do the one thing that lead to your divorce I'd think this would just be a bitter final pill.

Of course, that would conform OP's decision and, while unpleasant at the time, could help in the long run. If there remains true affection, there could be a chance that a trip could be a good thing. Only OP has the details, and, more important, the time invested - and still to be invested - to make the decision.

Of course, that would conform OP's decision and, while unpleasant at the time, could help in the long run. If there remains true affection, there could be a chance that a trip could be a good thing. Only OP has the details, and, more important, the time invested - and still to be invested - to make the decision.

Sure, anything is possible, but OP asked what we would do and based on the information provided, personally, I'd bail out. Others have a different opinion. That's fine.

Until I read the "if he is sober" statement, I would have said go. Consider that you will be stuck in a small cabin with someone who could come in drunk at any time, I say cancel.

DON

Alcohol is readily available on any cruise so unless he's invested in avoidance and staying dry, he's going to drink. If his drinking is going to ruin your dream vacation, I'd think twice about going with him. It might not "ruin" it in the classic sense, but if you're going to be subjected to behavior that is major enough to cause a divorce, then it's going to be gnawing at you at some level. Another option would be to invite a friend or relative to go and enjoy it with you, even if you have to pay for it. "Let's celebrate my divorce" or some such.

No one can possibly tell you what's right for you to do. You've got to make that decision on your own. I'd never, ever, ever travel with my ex-husband. I didn't enjoy traveling with him when we were married because our travel styles are so different. Certainly wouldn't travel with him now! Consider what you want and what you can put up with and make your decision. Good luck!!

Until I read the "if he is sober" statement, I would have said go. Consider that you will be stuck in a small cabin with someone who could come in drunk at any time, I say cancel.

 

 

 

DON

You beat me to it....

Disaster waiting to happen.

If he does something stupid he can get kicked off the ship, and they'll probably kick you off with him.

Why are you getting divorced? His drinking and how he acts when drunk? No need to answer but things to really think about.

It would probably be cheaper for you to go solo in a lower category than to worry about him onboard.

Make sure you have separate S&S accounts.

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If you are financially, emotionally and physically in a safe and independent state.....WTH....GO! But my if is the deal breaker.

This is YOUR decision. The state of your marriage is no one's business but yours and his - plain and simple.

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Make 2 lists. One, pro, why you should go. Another, con, why you should not go. See what happens.

At least you know what to expect, a better situation than sharing a cabin with a complete stranger.

Believe it or not - this is not the first time this has been asked here!

If you still get along - go, Have a great time.

When I turned 25 I got a trip to Crete from my girlfriend (we lived together). This was 13 April, the day after I went to a competition and didn't get home until 17 April. On the 18 April she broke up with me, packed a bag and left.

18 May we went on the trip to Crete... It wasn't a bad trip and we could get a long, but if you ask me today I would say that I should have done that trip with someone else. Emotions are hard to predict..

But I do want this last trip with him.

There's your answer. My parents were divorced but they still loved each other, so it does happen.

Seriously? I really thought everyone would flame me and nobody else has ever been in this situation. I am pretty sure (I still always have hope but that has not worked out) that at some point- probably the beginning) he will get super drunk and stay that way.

 

But I have so many things I want to see and do.

Hi,

I think you are very brave contemplating this trip but having said that your last line of the above post does speak volumes, it appears that you are letting your desire to go on the cruise influence your better judgement decision making.

Pete

If I knew I would only enjoy my cruise if my cabin mate stayed sober I would not travel with that person.