Ocean Phobic Passenger

[sailrprincess]

I planned a family cruise as a surprise for my family but realized recently that my husbands phobia of being in the middle of the ocean is strong than i thought it was. I showed him the route so he can get an idea of how close to land we will be and talked about how amazing the ships are when he is inside. Does anyone have any advice on how to help my husband get over this phobia? I may have to replace him with a family member or friend. I am not going to stop cruising because he is afraid to but I love traveling with him and I know if he could get over the fear of the ship sinking and him drowning, that he will love it.

[Shmoo here]

34 minutes ago, sailrprincess said:

I planned a family cruise as a surprise for my family but realized recently that my husbands phobia of being in the middle of the ocean is strong than i thought it was. I showed him the route so he can get an idea of how close to land we will be and talked about how amazing the ships are when he is inside. Does anyone have any advice on how to help my husband get over this phobia? I may have to replace him with a family member or friend. I am not going to stop cruising because he is afraid to but I love traveling with him and I know if he could get over the fear of the ship sinking and him drowning, that he will love it.

I personally would not talk someone I know has ocean depth issues into taking a cruise (especially a spouse or other family).  It's just a bad situation about to get worse.

 

You know, there was a thread recently that touched on pretty much this same issue.  The prevailing thought there was "don't do it".  You might find it enlightening:

https://boards.cruisecritic.com/topic/2630945-convincing-people-to-cruise/

 

 

Edited February 23, 2019 by Shmoo here

[GeezerCouple]

5 minutes ago, Shmoo here said:

I personally would not talk someone I know has ocean depth issues into taking a cruise (especially a spouse or other family).  It's just a bad situation about to get worse.

 

You know, there was a thread recently that touched on pretty much this same issue.  The prevailing thought there was "don't do it".  You might find it enlightening:

https://boards.cruisecritic.com/topic/2630945-convincing-people-to-cruise/

 

 

And I think this other thread was more along the lines of "they say they just wouldn't like it".

 

To have a true *phobia* is VERY different.  That's not at all "just not wanting to do it".

Phobias can be incredibly disabling when triggered, and it's not necessarily a matter of "just don't think about it".

 

IF OP's DH would *want* to try it, perhaps he could try some therapy with someone who specializes it phobia therapy, and preferably one who deals with a water-type phobia.  (Spiders or snakes might be quite different in terms of therapy, but I'm not a therapist, so I'm only speculating.)

 

Good luck!

But I'd suggest going on the cruise with others, and then also planning a different type of vacation with DH.

 

GC

[navybankerteacher]

You should determine whether it is a true phobia (very hard, if not impossible, to overcome) or simply an overstated dislike.  It’s similar to the way many people say they are allergic to something when they simply want to dramatically express a strong dislike.

 

If it is a real phobia (and he is reluctant to embark on the very difficult, and possibly unsuccessful effort to overcome it) you should simply not ask him to try it.  If he is just emoting, you might simply ask him to man up and do something you want - in return for the interests of his which you support.

[AmazedByCruising]

If he fears that the ship will sink, it probably won't help to talk about statistics like "you're more likely to have an accident on the way to the airport, blah blah" I've heard that before and I still don't fly. I think our phobias are very similar, and phobias aren't rational by nature so statistics don't help much.

 

So here's why it's OK to be on a ship, even if you don't believe in statistics. First, cruise ships don't sink. Even the Costa Concordia didn't actually sink. Look at the aftermath picture and see where you would have been safe. But if the ship does hit an iceberg near St Martin, and the watertight doors don't work, and all engines are down, there are lifeboats. But, if the ship forgot to bring the lifeboats, and there's nothing in your cabin that you could float on while waiting for the helicopters, there are dozens of ships nearby. 

 

That's the difference between a plane and a ship. A plane crashes in minutes and everyone is dead. When a cruiseship actually sinks, which it won't because the management at Carnival likes a few billions in profit each year, but even when it does there are many hours and many options to survive. I even think many passengers would be calling their TA to make sure they'd get a refund and a free cruise before going the muster station. OK, now I'm exaggerating 🙂

 

 

 

[cb at sea]

Unless you are standing BY the railing, there is really little feeling of "being at sea"....or at least, I find that to be so!  99% of the ship feels like being in a hotel!

 

If he's truly afraid, perhaps therapy to get over it is in order.

[Shmoo here]

6 minutes ago, cb at sea said:

Unless you are standing BY the railing, there is really little feeling of "being at sea"....or at least, I find that to be so!  99% of the ship feels like being in a hotel!

 

If he's truly afraid, perhaps therapy to get over it is in order.

Except, of course, for those pesky swells and rough seas.  

[GUT2407]

So you forgot your husband has an ocean phobia, how can you forget something like that?

[AmazedByCruising]

20 minutes ago, cb at sea said:

Unless you are standing BY the railing, there is really little feeling of "being at sea"....or at least, I find that to be so!  99% of the ship feels like being in a hotel!

 

If he's truly afraid, perhaps therapy to get over it is in order.

 

I though the Dutch and American cultures were quite similar, while I've noticed some subtle differences on these forums. But an advice to "get therapy in order to be able to enjoy a vacation" is hopefully not a thing in America, is it?

 

If someone hates apples, but his mother in law always bakes an apple pie, there must be more options than having apple eating therapy twice a week? 

[kerryincork]

l am a very anxious traveller I had a six week course of therapy I did fund it helped.

The therapy involves as trying to understand what the root cause of the anxiety. Doing mental exercises. And discussing different scenarios. Worse case, best case and what will probably happen.

 

When you have a phobia about travel we already know that boat/plain /train is not going to crash. It's about learning to control our negative thoughts and reduce our anxiety. So I would recommend it if you have the time. My therapy was covered by work insurance.

 

[MicCanberra]

Phobia's, being what they are, are not easy things to break. I suggest either cancelling or going without him.

[K32682]

You booked a "family cruise"  knowing your husband has a phobia of the ocean.  You are bound and determined to cruise. You want to force your husband to do something he is anxious about.  If he won't you will happily replace him and proceed to take your children on a cruise with no regard for him whatsoever.  

 

To get over his anxiety he should see a professional in the field where therapy or pharmaceutical options can be considered.  You on the other hand might benefit from some marriage counselling to better understand the concepts of compromise and respect in a relationship. 

[lenquixote66]

I have a phobia and that is why I do not walk on open decks.I would like if a 10 foot wall was built on the ship but that obviously will not occur. I do not have a phobia of the ship sinking .

[Tourist1292]

I guess the upcoming "Titanic II" cruise ship is not you. 🙂

Where are you planning to cruise?

[jocap]

A friend cannot stand the thought of being completely surrounded by water. He did go on the Hurtigruten ferry cruise for 2 weeks, but only managed this because he was always in sight of land, and he's since been river cruising with some success. He still will not go on a cruise which goes out to sea.

I believe it can sometimes be a type of disorientation- not knowing where you are without visible landmarks

[MicCanberra]

Glad your friend has managed so far.

[Lois R]

19 hours ago, AmazedByCruising said:

 

I though the Dutch and American cultures were quite similar, while I've noticed some subtle differences on these forums. But an advice to "get therapy in order to be able to enjoy a vacation" is hopefully not a thing in America, is it?

 

If someone hates apples, but his mother in law always bakes an apple pie, there must be more options than having apple eating therapy twice a week? 

Hi, I think that reply was totally weird...…so no, "get therapy" would definitely not be by recommendation.   I think if they are going to be miserable, they need to find another type of vacation. As for the original poster, I do think that it is a bit odd that she didn't know her husband has an issue with it.

[sailrprincess]

20 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

You should determine whether it is a true phobia (very hard, if not impossible, to overcome) or simply an overstated dislike.  It’s similar to the way many people say they are allergic to something when they simply want to dramatically express a strong dislike.

 

If it is a real phobia (and he is reluctant to embark on the very difficult, and possibly unsuccessful effort to overcome it) you should simply not ask him to try it.  If he is just emoting, you might simply ask him to man up and do something you want - in return for the interests of his which you support.

Since he has never actually been in the middle of the ocean i dont know how bad this phobia is. we did a booze cruise in Mexico and he was fine, which is why i thought his fear might be exaggerated.

[sailrprincess]

2 minutes ago, Lois R said:

Hi, I think that reply was totally weird...…so no, "get therapy" would definitely not be by recommendation.   I think if they are going to be miserable, they need to find another type of vacation. As for the original poster, I do think that it is a bit odd that she didn't know her husband has an issue with it.

So im the orig poster. he told me he had a fear but since he has gone on boats with me in the past and had no issues i didnt think his phobia was really that serious. I still wonder. His thing is that he is afraid of not seeing land and the ship sinking. Im not so sure his phobia is really a phobia. i think he may be exaggerating a fear of the open water. regardless, i am not going to force him to go, he is considering it and said he would like to try a short trip first.

[navybankerteacher]

7 minutes ago, sailrprincess said:

Since he has never actually been in the middle of the ocean i dont know how bad this phobia is. we did a booze cruise in Mexico and he was fine, which is why i thought his fear might be exaggerated.

Never been for out, and “was fine” on a short booze cruise. So he sounds like the sort of drama queen who upgrades his mild antipathy to “phobia” level. Tell him to man up and pay attention to your wishes (I assume that you go along with his wishes).

[sailrprincess]

1 minute ago, navybankerteacher said:

Never been for out, and “was fine” on a short booze cruise. So he sounds like the sort of drama queen who upgrades his mild antipathy to “phobia” level. Tell him to man up and pay attention to your wishes (I assume that you go along with his wishes).

he said he would like to try out a 4 day cruise before an 8 day one so we may do that 1st.

 

[MicCanberra]

Sounds to me like he is not a fan of cruising as you have already done a short cruise. I suppose you have to do what you have to do.

[spookwife]

On 2/22/2019 at 9:52 PM, cb at sea said:

Unless you are standing BY the railing, there is really little feeling of "being at sea"....or at least, I find that to be so!  99% of the ship feels like being in a hotel!

 

If he's truly afraid, perhaps therapy to get over it is in order.

you have GOT to be kidding.

 

 one there is ALWAYS a feeling of 'being at sea' in rougher seas and higher decks.  ALWAYS.   especially for the very sensitive to motion types. 

[CruisingAlong4Now]

You are passive aggressive and trying to "force" your husband into doing something he doesn't want to do. This is not the same as forcing your children to try broccoli because they should.

 

Your husband doesn't want to cruise. So why are you forcing the issue?  You are making him the bad guy here - He's going to ruin my wonderful surprise trip.  He'll stay home and I'll have to go with someone else. Why can't he just suck it up and do what I want to do?

 

Get over it lady. If you really wanted to give a gift and a wonderful vacation to your husband, why not do something HE wants to do. 

 

 

[Lois R]

16 hours ago, sailrprincess said:

So im the orig poster. he told me he had a fear but since he has gone on boats with me in the past and had no issues i didnt think his phobia was really that serious. I still wonder. His thing is that he is afraid of not seeing land and the ship sinking. Im not so sure his phobia is really a phobia. i think he may be exaggerating a fear of the open water. regardless, i am not going to force him to go, he is considering it and said he would like to try a short trip first.

 

I know you were answering my post. I am re-reading your original post again and you plainly asked how the folks on here could help you help him to "get over his phobia'.  What changed since you originally posted? If he has a fear? He would have to want to overcome it, in order to get past it. Glad you are not forcing him to do anything...in my opinion, that would not be very helpful.